HOLISTIC WELLNESS BLOG
TRANSFORMING YOUR LIFE. LITTLE CHANGES MAKE A BIG DIFFERENCE
TRANSFORMING YOUR LIFE. LITTLE CHANGES MAKE A BIG DIFFERENCE
The water rushes onto her head, washing her down, surrounding her with white noise and taking the last of the lather with it, down and away. Fast down her shoulders and back, it cleanses her; when she shampoos her hair, when she soaps her skin. Even the dark places where the soap can’t reach. That place far back in her mind and deep in the pit of her gut where her past lives. The place where, if she’s not very careful, her memories can make her dirty again.
The spigot makes a slight high-pitched squeal as she turns off the water. She reaches for the towel that she placed, neatly folded, atop the shiny white toilet tank, right outside the combination shower and tub. When she was first shown this small apartment three weeks ago, she was pleased to find the bathroom had all white porcelain fixtures and original tile. She liked it. No real reason at first, it just looked nice and crisp. She quickly discovered that if you’re careful and keep it clean and wipe the water spots up before they dry, it always looks so shiny and new, though it probably dates back to sometime in the early ’60s. Its outward appearance defied the years of abuse, the tears, broken glass, blood and scum it had, no doubt, endured. And after all that, all it took was a good scrubbing and a buffing with a clean, dry towel and it looked sparkling and as good as new again. It doesn’t escape her that a bathroom with white porcelain can keep a lot of secrets. She takes the pale blue towel and lets it unfold. As she buries her face in it, she inhales its freshness. It was clean. It didn’t smell of mildew or of someone else. It was new and clean and it was all hers. She patted herself dry and wrapped the towel tight around herself. She gently pushed aside the white eyelet shower curtain her mother had given her and stepped over the side of the tub onto the matching pale blue bath mat. The towels and bathmat, and nearly everything else in the apartment, were gifts from her mother for housewarming. Her mother would have given her anything to keep her safe and warm. It’s how she was… and she was just so grateful to have her girl back in one piece. She removed the towel from her tall, gangly frame, bent over at the waist and wrapped it around her head like a turban. Sparingly she applied her lotion, walked into her bedroom and slipped on the clothes she had laid out for herself, making sure to keep a light on only in the room she was occupying. Tonight, she would wear jeans, her new lavender V-neck sweater (that sort of looked like cashmere) and a pair of black boots with medium high heels. She wanted to look nice but not like she was trying too hard. She turned out the bedroom light, went back into the bathroom and quickly blow dried her hair and brushed her teeth. As she put on her makeup, being careful not to make eye contact with herself, she began to wonder how she’d… “Stop it,” she said out loud, scolding herself. Her chin dipped toward her chest and her hands dropped to the corners of the sink as a way of steadying herself. She froze, barely breathing. Thinking about anything other than the simple tasks at hand wasn’t doing her any favors (especially after what happened a couple of days ago). She breathed, closed her eyes and, having gathered herself, softly said “OK.” She finished by putting on a little apricot lipstick and a bit of gloss, ignoring the slight trembling in her hands. She took her matching hand towel and dried out the sink and left it nice and shiny. It was so easy to buff the surface and make it look pretty. You certainly couldn’t tell that someone had just spit in it. She neatly draped the towel over the rack so it would dry, and snapped off the light. She grabbed the black dress coat that she had worn to her new job and headed out the door. She hadn’t felt up to arranging a ride for tonight, so if she wanted to catch the 7:23 pm bus she’d better move. After less than a minute’s walk down her street, she arrived and sized up the other people at the bus stop. A woman, about twenty-five years old, held the hand of a little girl who looked about four. They were both bundled up against the cold city night and the little girl’s dark eyes shone with a smile in the lamplight. Upon her arrival at the bus stop the two women instinctively exchanged glances and a quick smile – safety in numbers. A boy of about sixteen, who seemed deeply committed to communicating his taste in all things retro-punk via his posture and wardrobe, sat slouched over, hands jammed into pockets, feet propped on the seat of the bus stop bench and his butt on the backrest. Lots of piercings, spiky black hair, unlaced combat boots and a leather motorcycle jacket that was way too thin to keep him warm in this weather. I guess it’s not too cool to let on that you’re freezing your skinny ass off. Anyway, he’s harmless. The city bus rolls up and the doors slap open. She lets the mother and child go first then she makes her way up the steps, dropping exact change into the fare box, and finds a seat where she calculates someone is least likely to sit near her. She’d be there in ten minutes, although she doesn’t want to go. The thought of it terrifies her. If she goes, she’ll have to talk to people and she’ll have to tell them the truth so maybe they can help her. She wanted to call out to the driver to wait. She wanted, with every fiber of her being, to bolt off the bus and run like hell, but the only thing that frightened her more than going forward was going back to where she’d been. She knows that, like the memories that haunt her, some ghosts are real. Some ghosts are real and they can hurt you. So, she doesn’t call out and she doesn’t run. She forces herself to stay quiet and to stay put and, although she’s scared to death, she goes anyway. She goes because, despite her cool, polished exterior, she is desperate. The driver shuts the doors and off they drive into the night. Want to read the rest right now? Order on Amazon Kindle or in paperback by clicking HERE! Thank you so much, xoAmie
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Different ages. Different decades. Different circumstances. There are specific events in our lives that shift our paths, write our stories and break our hearts, adding layers, depth and complexity to the clean-slated girls we once were. Each chapter in Part I of Kintsukuroi Heart is a non-fiction stand-alone story. A collection of vignettes offering glimpses of the exact moment in a woman’s life when something happens, either by choice or circumstance, that changes her course. In Part II we see how these experiences, though deeply personal and unique, are the threads that intertwine and connect us all, fostering compassion and empathy for one another and, hopefully, for ourselves. In Part III we see how, as women, like all forces of nature and works of art, our beauty is formed through refraction, revealed in dimension and contrast, shadow and light, our benevolence becoming both the result and the salve, the subject and lens. The road may be beastly but the result, if allowed, can be spectacular. “Kintsukuroi: kin-tsU-kU-roi (noun) (v. phr.) ‘To repair with gold.’ The Japanese art of mending broken pottery with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum. As a philosophy, it treats breakage and repair as part of the history of an object rather than something to disguise, understanding that the piece becomes more beautiful for having been broken.” “We delight in the beauty of the butterfly but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.” ~Maya Angelou~ Next week's post, Chapter One; Waiting Room on Thursday, December 10th at 10 am Eastern, 1: pm Pacific time Want to read more now? I can't wait to share this book with you! Order on Kindle or in paperback by clicking on the Amazon Link below! Thank you so much, xoAmie
This is an exceptional time we’re living in. The new normal is anything but. Even the most resilient among us may need reminding that being relegated to our homes to stay healthy, doesn’t mean we should act as though we’re home sick.
This is especially important if you suffer from depression, the late winter blues or early spring blahs, you’re just not feeling great about yourself, you’re grieving the loss of a loved one/marriage/relationship but on the road to recovery, you’re in early recovery from any type of addiction or otherwise trying to change or manage your mood or behavior. And if you’re not prone to any of these things but suddenly find yourself removed for your normal schedule due to social distancing or a self quarantine you may be finding it difficult to adjust. Even if you’re feeling pretty good about yourself right now but you have a tendency toward feeling otherwise - or just want to stay motivated - these little shifts in your morning self-care habits can make a big difference! Some may seem like no brainers - some may seem ridiculously simplistic - but if you’re staying home and beginning to feel not so great about yourself for any reason, letting the smallest of things slip can start to add up and work against you. Here is my top 10 list of a.m habits to help you feel good about yourself! 1. Get up! When it’s time to get out of bed in the morning, do it. Although lying in bed and reading for an extra 30 or 60 minutes on a Sunday morning can feel like a wonderful luxury and a reward for a long week, doing it on a regular basis doesn’t set the tone for a productive day. Try getting out of bed a little earlier than you have to instead of waiting until the last possible minute. Laying in bed too long isn’t a good habit 2. Let the light in. Once you’re out of bed open the curtains, pull up the shades and let the sun shine in. Even on a cloudy, rainy or dreary day the effects of natural light on your mood are well documented. 3. Make your bed. It looks nice, it sends a message that you’re up and ready to start the day, it gets your body moving even if just a little, and if you suffer from depression it may help keep you from crawling back into it for the day - I’m speaking from personal experience on this one! Plus, getting into a freshly made bed every night feels really great! 4. Drink a big glass of water. Before I have my morning coffee, I have my water. It wakes up my body and get things moving. Starting the day well hydrated - and staying that way - can make a big difference in how you feel. 5. Have a have a morning grooming routine even - and maybe especially - when you’re staying home. Keep up - or step up, now that you have the time - your wake up routine. Do it for yourself if no one else!
7. Move your body. Whether or not I’m going for a morning walk or run (and right now we’re self-isolating at home), I do a 5-minute yoga stretch (my video is linked here) with deep breathing. Try it. You’ll be surprised with what a difference it makes! COVID-19 Tip: Now that we’re socially distancing and staying home, extending this to a full yoga practice or morning stretch and guided meditation can help you feel wonderful. It’s also a great way to exercise if you’re housebound. 8. Make yourself a good heathy breakfast. I make oatmeal every morning. It couldn’t be faster or simpler. ½ cup of dry oats, a few dashes of cinnamon, a banana, ½ cup of water and 1 minute in the microwave. Bam, I have a hot, heathy breakfast in about 2.5 minutes. (2 minutes and 23 seconds… yeah, I timed this, too.) 9. Tidy your home. I grab my Swiffer’s (see below) and do a quick dust of the furniture and floor. If you don’t want to use disposable wipes to clean your floor you can substitute washcloths on your Swiffer floor duster, like I do (see below). Just poke the washcloth through the holes instead of the disposable cloths. It only takes a few minutes to freshen your surroundings. Nate Burkus said “Your home should rise up to greet you.” I believe that truer words cannot be spoken when it comes to your home. 10. Set some goals for the day. Even if one of those goals is to catch up on some much needed rest or practice self care, put it on you list and get it done! Why not use this time at home to try something new or return to something you love and have long left behind. Put it on the list and do it! A special note for skeptics: Taking care of your appearance matters. Why? Because you’re insides and your outside are not mutually exclusive. They are connected and both are parts of the whole you. I’m not talking about hiding behind a mask or false facade, I’m talking about simple things to let you - and your natural beauty - shine! If needed, remind yourself that self-care and self-esteem go hand in hand and are self perpetuating in both directions. The lower your self worth the less you’ll care about these things and the less you’ll want to put forth any effort. Conversely, the more you value yourself the more invested you’ll be in how you feel and care for yourself even - or perhaps especially - if no one else sees it! Here’s a litmus test. Have you ever left the house praying you wouldn’t run into someone you knew because you felt you looked an embarrassing mess? How did it make you feel? Now how about a time when you left the house feeling like a million bucks? Better, right? My wish for you is that you present yourself in such a way that you don’t care who you run into even if the only person you encounter is in the mirror. You should feel that good about yourself every day. Like I said before, it takes just as much time to put on something crappy as it does to put on something cute. It takes the same effort to put on an attractive pair of slip on sneaks* as it does dirty old flip flops. So up your game! You can do it and you’re worth the effort! The amount of time it takes to run a comb through your hair and chuck on some lip color is negligible. No matter how grand or humble your abode, your wardrobe or your presentation, keeping it neat can lift you up and allowing a mess can drag you down. It’s just that simple! *COVID-19 Tip: Do not wear street shoes in the house and if you do, sanitize them with an approved EPA-registered household disinfectant linked here. Of course be careful that you do a color test before wiping the tops and let them air dry thoroughly before walking around your house - lest you ruin a good pair of shoes or track a bleach solution all over your carpets! “You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean in a drop.” ~Rumi~
We all know it by heart but when was the last time you watched The Wizard of Oz? At the end of the movie (Spoiler Alert!) Dorothy realizes that all the characters who helped her get home, Professor Marvel/the Wizard, Scarecrow, Tin Man, and the Cowardly Lion, were all aspects of herself that she'd been unable to recognize or claim; Intuition, Brains, Heart, Courage. Glinda, the Good Witch, tells her that the power to achieve her goal was always within her, but she wouldn't have believed it until she was truly tested and learned it for herself. Glinda was right. It had been easier for Dorothy to believe in others - physical representations who embodied these CHARACTERistics - than it was to inherently claim her power. Sound familiar? She had to witness them externally, become friends with them, develop a deep trust and rapport, then, through recognition, embrace them as her own - that was her journey. To see it through, she had to want something so badly - to get home - that she would face her deepest fears and fight every foe to make it happen. The Longing for Home Another point to ponder... is “home” a place on a map or a place within us... a state of knowing and belief where we come into our own, stand tall and occupy our space, and embrace our power? Maybe it's both? A physical location where we feel in sync with our surroundings... where the outside matches our insides. Where people, place, and things align creating a powerful energetic vortex. Is the pull of Home our True North? Is the homing instinct the call of Self? Are the compass and the destination the same thing? Knowing our truth and purpose works like a rudder, keeping us stable and on course. Once we know this it sharpens our focus and we're free to shine our light and do our thing, Wicked Witches, Flying Monkeys, and naysayers, be damned! Like the girl said, "There’s no place like Home…" Have you arrived Home? Was there a force that moved you to go looking for it? Was there an event that precipitated your arrival? Is there a physical place where you feel your power the most? Please let your voice be heard and comment below! Feel free to share this link, and don't forget to sign up to receive the latest posts!! xoAmie “Pure Water is the World’s First and Foremost Medicine.” ~Slovakian Proverb~
It’s not rocket science; We all know that two of the best ways to stay healthy, feel good, lift our mood, and remove toxins from our bodies are to break a sweat with intentional exercise and to drink plenty of water. Today we focus on the latter; H2O. How to help you get enough and make it more enjoyable! I drink a lot of water. It helps me to feel more awake, clearheaded, and can help keep sore muscles and headaches at bay. It’s also great for our skin; that is to say, well hydrated skin looks younger and more refreshed! Unlike some people, I really don’t mind drinking plain, room temperature water but I also love infusing it with fruit and herbs. It’s a fun way to make it more flavorful, and when I’m having company at my home, it’s a quick and easy way to offer my guests one of the healthiest beverages you can drink while making it really special and pretty! Every day at my spa I offered an infused water to my guests. Here are some of the favorites:
I recommend using filtered water and organic ingredients. What You’ll Need The “recipe” - if you can call it that - is an inexact science and pretty simple. The amounts can be changed according to your taste and you can mix and match as you please. Per Quart/Liter of water:
Toss the freshly washed combo of your choice into the water and chill for 4 – 6 hours or overnight. Pour into a glass, through a tea strainer if you’d like, garnish as desired and serve. Notes:
That's it! Like I said, it's not rocket science but isn't it nice that something so incredibly good for you is so exceptionally easy? How do you feel about these? Are you inspired to try something new? What are your favorite combos? Let me know in the comments below! How much water do you need? Here’s a great article from the American heart Association: https://www.heart.org/en/healthy-living/fitness/fitness-basics/staying-hydrated-staying-healthy I use the My Water Balance Free App for iPhone to keep my water intake on track: https://apps.apple.com/us/app/my-water-balance/id964748094 When it comes to making life changes, I write them down – I make a list. Why? Well, for this, I have two sayings:
Nearly every time I’ve made a change in my life, large or small, I started by making a list. When I changed my career. When I got out of debt. When I wanted to move across the country, and when I was hoping to travel across an ocean. Doing so has moved me (quite literally!) from “I’m considering this” to “I’m doing this”. Granted, “turning a wish list into a to do list” may be over simplifying it a bit… there’s a process. But even grocery shopping is more effective when you’re armed with a list! Let’s take my dream to start traveling internationally; I took that one item off my “Bucket List” and broke it down into the simplest of steps. I didn't worry about how I would accomplish it or anything else, just what I would need to do to go from point A to point B. Travel Abroad
And then I just started doing them. You can Click Here to read my other blog “Daydream Voyages; How I Became a Solo Woman World Traveler in My 50’s” if you’d like the details of how I made it all happen. I did the same when I wanted to move three thousand miles back to my hometown. The thought alone felt overwhelmingly prohibitive but then I wrote it down: Pre-Move Research
Moving To Do List
When you break it down in to bite sized morsels you can create a realistic, doable plan of action. Focus on one task at a time and the outcome will take care of itself. The point is, you can either tell yourself it’s impossible, so why bother? or you can begin chipping away at a list. Time goes by either way. Want to move to your dream town? Turn your passion into your career? Heal your past? You can. People do it all the time. It’s OK to start small… the more you do it the more you’ll see that it can be done. This is not just some Rah Rah cheerleader new age BS. I know. I’ve done it. xoAmie Are you a list maker? Do you have something that you'd love to do but it feels too big an undertaking? What list will you make today? Please share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below! HEALING YOUR KINTSUKUROI HEART; Part 2
This is part 2 in a series. Click here for part 1 Last week we identified that low self-esteem is the original “gateway drug” even if your challenges have nothing whatsoever to do with substance abuse. Click here to read the post. I also said that, even if you don’t initially think it applies to you, I’d illustrate how it may - so stay with me. Today we’ll discuss how accepting this truth – that low self-esteem is source of our issues - can change this gateway drug into your gateway to healing. LET’S EXPLORE SOME SCENARIOS:
Do any of these statements – or a version of them – resonate with you? If so, read the one(s) that do(es) again, but this time tack on the words “Because I feel so good about myself.” at the end. For a clearer illustration you can watch the companion video here. Now you get it, right? It’s contradictory. Any type of behavior that doesn’t honor yourself or who you want to be, isn’t in service of your dream – or in pursuit of being or becoming the very best version of yourself, comes from a place of feeling “less than.” People who truly feel good about themselves don’t think, speak, or behave in ways that are people pleasing, unhelpful, unkind, lack understanding or have a positive purpose – regardless of whether it’s directed inward or outward. There’s no shame in feeling less than. It just is. And the sooner you can embrace that the sooner you can get on with doing something about making it better. Note – don’t confuse an inflated ego with a healthy self-worth! Ego is the opposite side of the same low-self esteem coin. People who feel good about themselves don’t have to blow themselves up in an attempt to impress others. A healthy self-esteem isn’t greater than or less than; It’s equal to. SO, NOW WHAT? I’ll tell you everything – step by step - in this series. Again - It’s free. There’s nothing to buy to gain access to all of it. If you’d really like you can read my book, Kintsukuroi Heart; More Beautiful For Having Been Broken, or order the companion workbook to this series, both on Amazon, but you certainly don’t have to. All you really need is occasional access to the internet and a pad and pen – real or virtual. Oh, and a deep commitment to change… if only you could order that on Amazon! HOW I AND WHY I CREATED THIS PROGRAM. I had issues. Big issues. As I mentioned before, the specifics of how those issues presented themselves aren’t important right now. I’ll talk more about them in a later video/blog. Initially, I worked through my issues by taking the traditional route of therapy, self-help groups and talking with friends, which all worked and I still recommend. But for me, they only worked for so long and only to a degree. They were either too costly, didn’t go deep enough or they addressed the symptoms and not the root cause; I needed to dig down and truly change the way I looked at things and, most importantly, change how I viewed myself. If I could do that, I knew my life would change. Over the years I’d gathered inspiration through books and movies. Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. Gifts from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh. Under the Tuscan Sun (the movie). A Year by the Sea by Joan Anderson. Educated by Tara Westover. Wild by Cheryl Strayed. Love Warrior by Glennon Doyle Menton. The list goes on. However, most of the books and films in this genre, wonderful stories that I have deeply loved (I recommend them all and have linked them below), came from a place so unique that, although fabulously inspirational, were for me, mostly unrelatable or unactionable – the experiences of the very fortunate or wealthy, or situations so extreme that very few people find themselves – offering remedies that were simply out of my reach. I wasn’t in a position to take time away at the beach or travel around the world to find myself, I had to work! I didn’t have extra money or a scholarship to an Ivy League school. I deeply admired those who did and longed to be in their shoes, but I simply wasn’t. There were times when I couldn’t even afford to buy those books or a ticket to the movies, I checked them out of the library. But I read them. I watched them. They inspired me and gave me something to shoot for! So, being a determined and resourceful little bugger and having the professional training, I devised a way to do these extraordinary things – to embark on a life-altering journey of healing – without leaving home and with rather ordinary resources. These “ordinary” circumstances are what often stops women from doing something extraordinary. You are my people and I am here to inspire you! I put myself on an intense minimalistic, at home self-retreat. Exactly what I would do if I paid thousands of dollars to go away on retreat. I committed to addressing my issues via holistic wellness, intentional physical exercise, and the mind/body/spirit connection. I practiced yoga and meditation, and began living with defined intention. I unplugged and sought peace, quiet, and solitude. These things are easily accessible and available to all of us for free or at very little cost. In fact, once I went into this wholeheartedly – a time of concentrated self-discovery and minimalism - I actually saved a ton of money. This realistic vantage point is one way in which I feel this program is different; it wholly accessible and meets you at a place where many of us find ourselves when starting over. I know it works because I created it, I’ve applied it, I’ve lived it, I’ve practiced it and afterwards, the really poor life choices I’d been allowing to enter my life on a daily basis became inconceivable to me. Not because I focused on changing those choices but because I changed how I felt on the inside. I healed the person who was making them. The positive choices I began making became a symptom of how I felt about myself just like the negative ones had been. I didn’t work on the symptoms –I addressed the root cause of the symptoms. To be clear, I had to clean up the results of some of those choices and so will you. Not to worry, I’ll help. I’ll give you the tools and we’ll go over all of it, step by step. Now is your time to work on acceptance. To ready yourself to embark upon a journey of deep and lasting change and true transformation. Next week, we start the transformation. "A healthy self-esteem isn’t greater than or less than; It’s equal to." Amie Gabriel |
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