IHOLISTIC WELLNESS BLOG
TRANSFORMING YOUR LIFE. LITTLE CHANGES MAKE A BIG DIFFERENCE
TRANSFORMING YOUR LIFE. LITTLE CHANGES MAKE A BIG DIFFERENCE
WHERE TO BEGIN
This is part 3 in a series. Click here or "Healing Your Kintsukuroi Heart" in the categories menu to go to the full series
Click here for Part 1
Click here for Part 2
I started by looking at what wasn’t working in my life – aka – the symptoms – and working backward to find the underlying cause. Here’s what I mean. For me, the two biggest “problems” were my lack of money/resulting debt, and making poor relationship choices. Then I asked myself why it was happening? Why was I broke? Why did I invite chaos and negativity into my life in the form of unhealthy relationships?
Because of the deep seated beliefs I held about myself. If I really, deep down, thought I deserved better I would have required it. This concept was easier to understand when it came to relationships but not so easy when it came to money. On the surface I thought it was the economy or just my crappy luck. Perhaps it was to a degree, but honestly, it was just more chaos and a manifestation – or symptom, if you prefer - of how I saw myself… as in “not enough”. If I doubted my own worth how could I claim it?
Ok, so I discovered and named the source. I did that piece of the work for you and I’m happy to pass it along to give you the starting point. Now, your job is to accept this truth, fine tune it to fit your specific situation(s), and make the commitment to put the plan into action and heal yourself. It’s a large undertaking but entirely doable!
It bears repeating - How or why we originally acquired these feelings of low self-worth is irrelevant for now. Because regardless of how they got there, here we are. And now it’s up to us to fix it.
SO, IT REALLY IS ALL ABOUT US!
And admitting that we are at the center of our issues.
Doing this – acknowledging that how we view ourselves is the root of our issues - rather than blaming outward circumstances, or someone else – gives us the power to change. If someone or something else is the cause of our issues than there’s nothing we can do to change anything. Taking ownership means taking back our power. This part is crucial. You must own it.
So now what? Now we fix it.
THE FOUR-PRONGED PLAN OF INTENTION.
Moving forward, as the healing takes hold, good choices and positive movement will become more and more intuitive and a self-perpetuating upward spiral takes hold. Your thoughts, words and actions will be in service of your very best self and fulfilling your dreams. It will become second-nature.
THE FOUR-PRONGED PLAN OF ACTION.
Note: I strongly suggest writing this out with physical pen and paper. It connects you more deeply to the work.
Make a list of what isn’t working in your life. Start with the big things. What are you doing that you need to stop doing? Write it down. Now, what aren’t you doing that you need to start? Write it down. You’ll apply these things to your personalized Four-Pronged Plan! They will become the promise you make to yourself. Your mission statement. You can use pen and paper or purchase the workbook here.
Rule Number One:
No relationships of any kind with men for one year. None. No dates, no flirting, no phone calls, not even hanging out platonically with male friends (because they also offered attention and externally fed my damaged ego). It was absolute. No relationships. No men. Period. They were part of the problem and also a distraction and I could afford neither, so they were the first thing to go. I was officially and completely off the market.
What will you let go of that isn’t serving your higher purpose? What needs to go? Are you over spending? Talking smack about yourself and/or others? People pleasing or tolerating unkindness? Smoking, overeating, or another self-destructive behavior? Get very specific. Break it down into segments. Use my example above as a template. If it’s more than one thing, fill this part in more than once.
Your Rule Number One Template:
No (fill in the blank) of any kind for one year. None. No (fill in the blank), no (fill in the blank), no (fill in the blank), not even (fill in the blank) because (state your deep truth). It is absolute. No (fill in the blank). No (fill in the blank). Period. This is part of the problem and also a distraction and I can afford neither, so they are/it is the first thing to go. I am officially and completely (fill in the blank).
Rule Number Two:
Focus inward and practice self-care. I’d never really developed a true sense of self or figured out who I was as an individual. You need to get to know yourself and to be autonomous. You will also be kind to yourself, practice self-respect, maintain a healthy lifestyle, and there will be no more negative self-talk. You will stop putting yourself down or calling yourself names. Not even in jest. Like the saying goes, if you don’t have anything nice to say, you will say nothing at all. If you are going to change the way you feel about yourself, you must to treat yourself like you are important and worthy, and you must rewrite your internal dialogue. We will have an upcoming, detailed posts specifically on self-care and discovering yourself as an individual!
Note: If you let something slip out, if you refer to yourself in a derogatory fashion, stop as soon as you realize it. Look in the mirror if you can, but breathe and tell yourself this.: “I’m sorry. That was unkind. It’s simply not true. I deserve much better. Please forgive the mistake. I will do better next time. I am amazing.” Forgive yourself and breathe…
Rule Number Three:
Career. Many years ago, in 1998 to be exact, I’d chosen a career in holistic wellness. A field that I loved but, in practice, had never really enjoyed. I would now allow myself to be fully focused on developing and nurturing my career, to let go of the parts I didn’t love and pursue and expand the parts I was passionate about, to continue my education and become an expert in my field, to know my own worth and to claim it. Taking control of my debt also came under this heading. It’s up to you to decide if cleaning up any messes you’ve made becomes part of rule number 1 or rule number 2. We’ll address this further in upcoming posts/videos.
YOURS; Here's your template:
What will you begin to create? What steps will you take to live your dream, achieve your higher purpose. What will you do every day to live in service of making it happen? If it’s more than one thing, fill this part in more than once.
I will now allow myself to be fully focused on developing and nurturing my (fill in the blank), to create time and space to (state you deep desire) to (state your commitment to the process and how you will go about it and your ultimate goal), to own my right to pursue my dreams, know my own worth and to claim it.
RULE NUMBER FOUR:
This will come a bit later.
That's it, simple but not necessarily easy. If you are choosing to do the full program, the entire year will be devoted to helping yourself heal; mind, body, spirit and craft. Yes, one year! We are talking about very deep healing! You can also choose to try it for as little as a weekend - or one month - thee months or six. Or, you read the blog, watch the videos and put them into practice where, when and how you see fit. But again, very deep, long lasting, life changing healing takes a long time. I did it and it changed my life in ways I never dreamed of!
Take some time with this part – the next two weeks if you need it. Get quiet, sit with yourself. Do some real soul-searching. These are true commitments you’re making to yourself. You owe it to yourself. It’s time.
Quote of the Day
"Acknowledging that how we view ourselves is the root of our issues - rather than blaming outward circumstances, or someone else – gives us the power to change. Taking ownership means taking back our power."
If you can relate to any, or all of these statements to any degree, I’ll see you here in the next installment. Thursday, January 28th at 1 pm Pacific time.
Can you relate? Are you considering participating in this program? Please let us know what you think! Comment below... I's love to hear your thoughts! xoAmie
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KINTSUKUROI HEART; More Beautiful for Having Been Broken
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