Healing Your Kintsukuroi Heart; Part 2
LOW SELF ESTEEM IS A GATEWAY DRUG.
Taking Responsibility
 
This is part 2 in a series.  Click "Healing Your Kintsukuroi Heart" in the categories menu to go to the full series.
Click here for part 1 
 
Last week we identified that low self-esteem is the original “gateway drug” even if your challenges have nothing whatsoever to do with substance abuse. Click here to read the post.  I also said that, even if you don’t initially think it applies to you, I’d illustrate how it may - so stay with me. 
 
Today we’ll discuss how accepting this truth – that low self-esteem is source of our issues - can change this gateway drug into your gateway to healing.
 
LET’S EXPLORE SOME SCENARIOS:

• I over spent and I blew my budget.  And now I don’t have enough to pay rent.
• I am overwhelmed.  I don’t have enough time in my day to do half of the things I need to do!  But my friend asked me for a favor and I said yes.
• Instead of exercising and eating healthy just I sat on the couch.  I ate an entire bag of chips, half a package of cookies and submarine sandwich. 
• I’m busy!  I don’t have time to be nice.
• My best friend told me she wanted to go back to school.  And I told her what a stupid Idea I thought that was.  C’mon, at her age?
• I’m in a relationship with someone who verbally and emotionally abuses me. 
• Everything I own has to have a designer label on it where everyone can see it. 
• I went out with the girls for a drink last night.  YOLO!  I don’t even remember how or when I got home.
• I got into a relationship with a married man. 
• I slept with my girlfriend’s boyfriend.
• Every day I find a way to emasculate my husband.  It doesn’t matter if we’re alone or in public. 
• I blew the mortgage at the track.
• Who the hell does she think she is?  I gotta ask because...
• I screamed at someone in another car because they cut me off.  Then I gave them the finger and I told them where they could go. 
• You’re right, what do I know… I shouldn’t even try.
• I engaged in a battle with someone I don’t even know on Social Media. 
• I tell people exactly what I think, even if it hurts their feelings.  I’m honest like that.
• I spend hours, and hours, and hours on FB – watching a movie – shopping - cleaning the house - instead of pursuing my dreams. 

 
Do any of these statements – or a version of them – resonate with you?  Now read them again, but this time tack on the words “Because I feel so good about myself.” at the end.  For a clearer illustration you can watch the companion video by clicking here.
 
Now you get it, right?  It’s entirely contradictory.  Any type of behavior that doesn’t honor yourself or who you want to be, isn’t in service of your dream, or in pursuit of being or becoming the very best version of yourself, comes from a place of feeling “less than.”  People who truly feel good about themselves don’t think, speak, or behave in ways that are people pleasing, unhelpful, unkind, lack understanding or have a positive purpose – regardless of whether it’s directed inward or outward.  There’s no shame in feeling less than.  It just is.  And the sooner you can embrace that the sooner you can get on with doing something about making it better.
 
Note – don’t confuse an inflated ego with a healthy self-worth!  Ego is the opposite side of the same low-self esteem coin.  People who feel good about themselves don’t have to blow themselves up in an attempt to impress others.  A healthy self-esteem isn’t greater than or less than; It’s equal to.
 
SO, NOW WHAT?
 
I’ll tell you everything – step by step - in this series. Again - It’s free.   There’s nothing to buy to gain access to all of it.  If you’d really like you can read my book, Kintsukuroi Heart; More Beautiful For Having Been Broken, or order the companion workbook to this series, Healing Your Kintsukuroi Heart, both on Amazon, but you certainly don’t have to.  All you really need is occasional access to the internet and a pad and pen.  Oh, and a deep commitment to change… if only you could order that on Amazon!
 
HOW I AND WHY I CREATED THIS PROGRAM.
 
I had issues.  Big issues.  As I mentioned before, the specifics of how those issues presented themselves aren’t important right now.  I’ll talk more about them in a later video/blog.
 
Initially, I worked through my issues by taking the traditional route of therapy, medication*, self-help groups and talking with friends, which all worked and I still recommend.  But for me, they only worked for so long and only to a degree.  They were either too costly, didn’t go deep enough or they addressed the symptoms and not the root cause; I needed to dig down and truly change the way I looked at things and, most importantly, change how I viewed myself.  If I could do that, I knew my life would change. 

*Note - titrated off of my anti-depression medication with the permission and under the very close supervision of my doctor.  Never EVER replace the experience of another over the advice of your trusted health care professional!
 
Over the years I’d gathered inspiration through books and movies.  Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.  Gift from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh. Under the Tuscan Sun (the movie).  AYear by the Sea by Joan Anderson.  Educated by Tara Westover.  Wild by Cheryl Strayed.  Love Warrior by Glennon Doyle Menton.  The list goes on. (All linked below!)
 
However, most of the books and films in this genre, wonderful stories that I have deeply loved (I recommend them all and have linked* all the titles above and below), came from a place so unique that, although fabulously inspirational were, for me, mostly unrelatable or unactionable – the experiences of the very fortunate or wealthy, or situations so extreme that very few people find themselves – offering remedies that were simply out of my reach.  I wasn’t in a position to take time away at the beach or travel around the world to find myself, I had to work!  I didn’t have extra money or a scholarship to an Ivy League school.  I deeply admired those who did and longed to be in their shoes, but I simply wasn’t. There were times when I couldn’t even afford to buy those books or a ticket to the movies, I checked them out of the library.  But I read them.  I watched them.  They inspired me and gave me something to shoot for! 
 
So, being a determined and resourceful little bugger and having the professional training, I devised a way to do these extraordinary things – to embark on a life-altering journey of healing – without leaving home and with rather ordinary resources.  These “ordinary” circumstances are what often stops women from doing something extraordinary.  You are my people and I am here to inspire you! 
 
I put myself on an intense minimalistic, at home self-retreat.  Exactly what I would do if I paid thousands of dollars to go away on retreat or soul searching quest.  I committed to addressing my issues via holistic wellness, intentional physical exercise, and the mind/body/spirit connection.  I tried new things.  I practiced yoga and meditation, and began living with defined intention.  I unplugged and sought peace, quiet, and solitude.  These things are easily accessible and available to all of us for free or at very little cost.  In fact, once I went into this wholeheartedly – a time of concentrated self-discovery and minimalism - I actually saved a ton of money.  This realistic vantage point is one way in which I feel this program is different; it's wholly accessible and meets you at a place where many of us find ourselves when starting over.
 
I know it works because I created it, I’ve applied it, I’ve lived it, I’ve practiced it and afterwards, the really poor life choices I’d been allowing to enter my life on a daily basis became inconceivable to me.  Not because I focused on changing those choices but because I changed how I felt on the inside.  The positive choices I began making became a symptom of how I felt about myself just like the negative ones had been. I didn’t work on the symptoms –I addressed the root cause of the symptoms.   I healed the person who was making them.
 
To be clear, I had to clean up the mess of some of those choices and so will you.  Not to worry, I’ll help.  I’ll give you the tools and we’ll go over all of it, step by step.
 
Now is your time to work on acceptance.  To ready yourself to embark upon a journey of deep and lasting change and true transformation.  Next week, we start the transformation.

Quote of the Day:
"The positive choices I began making became a symptom of how I felt about myself just like the negative ones had been. I didn’t work on the symptoms –I addressed the root cause of the symptoms.  I healed the person who was making them."  
Amie Gabriel
​
If you can relate to any, or all of these statements to any degree, I’ll see you here in the next installment.  Thursday, January 21st at 1 pm Pacific time.

Can you relate?  Are you considering participating in this program?  Please let us know what you think!  Comment below... I's love to hear your thoughts! xoAmie

Scroll down for the YouTube Companion Video! 
​
Read Amie's Book:
​KINTSUKUROI HEART; More Beautiful for Having Been Broken
​Order on Kindle or in paperback by clicking on the Amazon Affiliate Book Link below!
​*As an Amazon Affiliate I earn from qualifying purchases

TAKING THE FIRST STEP.
 
Is there something – or several things – that are preventing you from being the very best version of yourself and achieving your goals? 
 
What if I told you that all your counterproductive thoughts, words, actions, beliefs – whether they’re directed toward yourself, toward others, or both – all trace back to just one thing?  One single source.  And if you can embrace that idea, and heal that one thing, you won’t even have to try to do better in the future because directing your energy toward anything other than the most positive aspects of your life becomes unthinkable.
 
In this blog post we will name that one thing and talk a bit about what it’s going to take to heal it.  In a series of upcoming weekly blog posts and companion videos, I’ll be going in-depth and guiding you through the steps toward healing. Regardless of whether you decide to fully immerse yourself into this program or just glean insight and advice for self-improvement from the weekly posts, it will cost you no money and there’s nothing to buy or sign up for – just read the posts, watch the videos and, of course, take action.
 
Sound interesting?  Keep reading!
 
But first... In case we haven’t met,  I’m Amie Gabriel, holistic wellness expert, author, and former train wreck.  This is my program and I originally developed it to heal my own life.  It worked and now I’m sharing it with you.
 
CUTTING TO THE CHASE
 
Negativity, poor choices, an unproductive or unhealthy lifestyle.
I’m talking about the things that prevent you from being the very best version of yourself and achieving your goals. Things within your control.  These diversions and roadblocks can appear in your life in a multitude of ways, varying greatly from one person to the next so, for now, the specifics – how they present themselves in your life - don’t matter.  They are the SYMPTOMS and we’ll get to them later.  What matters right now is getting their root cause.  Their source. The one thing that allows them to present themselves to begin with.   Because when you heal the source, the symptoms take care of themselves.  How do I know?  Because I lived through it and this is exactly what I did to heal. 
 
COULD THIS BE FOR YOU?  HERE ARE SOME QUESTIONS:
 
Is there something in your life that isn’t working?  Something you’d like to change?  Are you lacking joy or just not feeling as happy and fulfilled as you’d like?  Are you stuck in grief over the loss of a loved one, relationship or other life circumstance?  Are you making poor choices or feeling unempowered?  Are you depressed or maybe not in not in love with your job, your level of fitness or your reflection in the mirror?  Is fear keeping you from moving forward?  Is there a goal you’d like to achieve but just haven’t made it happen?  Maybe things aren’t so bad – maybe you’ve already overcome some obstacles - but you just know things could be better and you want more.  Maybe you’re like me when I began this journey – I didn’t particularly want to put forth the energy required to transform but nothing in my life was working and everything needed to change – or maybe you’re somewhere in the middle? 
 
If you answered yes to one or more of these questions, keep reading.
 
WHAT’S IT GOING TO TAKE TO CHANGE?
 
Regardless of where you find yourself on the spectrum of challenges, there are a few common denominators that foster change.

• You’ve got to want it or need it.
• You generally have to give something up to achieve it.
• You’ve generally got to do something differently or new to achieve it.
• Number 1 generally dictates how far you’re willing to go on numbers 2 and 3.

 
Are you ready to embark on a life-altering journey of healing – without a ton of money and without leaving home?  Or maybe just find out more about it?   I have done it and, in this series - all at no cost – I will show you how.
 
WHAT I DID TO HEAL.
 
I healed by putting myself on an in-depth, at home, self-retreat - while working full-time - and I’ll share with you how you can, too.  Let me tell you up front, it isn’t quick or easy – a true commitment to lasting change on a very deep level rarely is - but it’s simple, entirely doable, costs little or no money, and is SO worth it. 
 
LET’S GET RIGHT TO THE SOURCE. 
And once we do, even if you don’t initially think it applies to you, stay with me – I’ll illustrate how it may.
 
So, what is the one thing that became damaged in your past that spawned – and allowed – any and all the negative behavior that followed?  Three words; Low Self Esteem. Low self-esteem is the original gateway drug.  No matter what your drug of choice is… even if your drug or choice has nothing whatsoever to do with drugs, it’s a catch-all phrase.  "Drug of choice" just means the manner in which negativity presents itself in your life.  And if low self-esteem is the gateway drug for counterproductivity to take root, then a healthy self-esteem – true self-worth - is the immunity.   In the next post/video Low Self Esteem is a Gateway Drug I will illustrate how low self-esteem is the original chink in the armor, regardless of how it presents itself or effects your life or to what degree; even if you think your self-esteem is just fine.
 
In the meantime, here’s the short version.
 
I promised myself I wouldn’t do that again… but I did.
I promised that this time I’d get it done.  But I didn’t
I know better, but…
 
If you can relate to any, or all of these statements to any degree, I’ll see you here in the next installment.  Thursday, January 14th at 1 pm Pacific time.

Can you relate?  Are you considering participating in this program?  Please let us know what you think!  Comment below... I's love to hear your thoughts! xoAmie

Quote of the Day
"When you heal the source, the symptoms take care of themselves."
Amie Gabriel

​Watch the Companion Video Below!

Read Amie's Book:
​KINTSUKUROI HEART; More Beautiful for Having Been Broken
​Order on Kindle or in paperback by clicking on the Amazon Affiliate Book Link below!

Check out the video for three big announcements for the New Year!  Let me know what you think in the comments!  xoAmie

Order Amie's book. KINTSUKUROI HEART on Kindle or in paperback by clicking on the Amazon Affiliate Book Link below!

​Thank you so much, xoAmie

The water rushes onto her head, washing her down, surrounding her with white noise and taking the last of the lather with it, down and away.  Fast down her shoulders and back, it cleanses her; when she shampoos her hair, when she soaps her skin.  Even the dark places where the soap can’t reach.  That place far back in her mind and deep in the pit of her gut where her past lives.  The place where, if she’s not very careful, her memories can make her dirty again.
 
The spigot makes a slight high-pitched squeal as she turns off the water.  She reaches for the towel that she placed, neatly folded, atop the shiny white toilet tank, right outside the combination shower and tub.
 
When she was first shown this small apartment three weeks ago, she was pleased to find the bathroom had all white porcelain fixtures and original tile.  She liked it.  No real reason at first, it just looked nice and crisp.  She quickly discovered that if you’re careful and keep it clean and wipe the water spots up before they dry, it always looks so shiny and new, though it probably dates back to sometime in the early ’60s.  Its outward appearance defied the years of abuse, the tears, broken glass, blood and scum it had, no doubt, endured.  And after all that, all it took was a good scrubbing and a buffing with a clean, dry towel and it looked sparkling and as good as new again.  It doesn’t escape her that a bathroom with white porcelain can keep a lot of secrets.
 
She takes the pale blue towel and lets it unfold.  As she buries her face in it, she inhales its freshness.  It was clean.  It didn’t smell of mildew or of someone else.  It was new and clean and it was all hers.  She patted herself dry and wrapped the towel tight around herself.  She gently pushed aside the white eyelet shower curtain her mother had given her and stepped over the side of the tub onto the matching pale blue bath mat.  The towels and bathmat, and nearly everything else in the apartment, were gifts from her mother for housewarming.  Her mother would have given her anything to keep her safe and warm. It’s how she was…  and she was just so grateful to have her girl back in one piece.  
 
She removed the towel from her tall, gangly frame, bent over at the waist and wrapped it around her head like a turban.  Sparingly she applied her lotion, walked into her bedroom and slipped on the clothes she had laid out for herself, making sure to keep a light on only in the room she was occupying.
 
Tonight, she would wear jeans, her new lavender V-neck sweater (that sort of looked like cashmere) and a pair of black boots with medium high heels.  She wanted to look nice but not like she was trying too hard.  She turned out the bedroom light, went back into the bathroom and quickly blow dried her hair and brushed her teeth.  As she put on her makeup, being careful not to make eye contact with herself, she began to wonder how she’d… “Stop it,” she said out loud, scolding herself.  Her chin dipped toward her chest and her hands dropped to the corners of the sink as a way of steadying herself.  She froze, barely breathing.  Thinking about anything other than the simple tasks at hand wasn’t doing her any favors (especially after what happened a couple of days ago).  She breathed, closed her eyes and, having gathered herself, softly said “OK.”  She finished by putting on a little apricot lipstick and a bit of gloss, ignoring the slight trembling in her hands.  She took her matching hand towel and dried out the sink and left it nice and shiny.  It was so easy to buff the surface and make it look pretty.  You certainly couldn’t tell that someone had just spit in it.  She neatly draped the towel over the rack so it would dry, and snapped off the light.  She grabbed the black dress coat that she had worn to her new job and headed out the door.  She hadn’t felt up to arranging a ride for tonight, so if she wanted to catch the 7:23 pm bus she’d better move.
 
After less than a minute’s walk down her street, she arrived and sized up the other people at the bus stop.  A woman, about twenty-five years old, held the hand of a little girl who looked about four.  They were both bundled up against the cold city night and the little girl’s dark eyes shone with a smile in the lamplight.  Upon her arrival at the bus stop the two women instinctively exchanged glances and a quick smile – safety in numbers.  A boy of about sixteen, who seemed deeply committed to communicating his taste in all things retro-punk via his posture and wardrobe, sat slouched over, hands jammed into pockets, feet propped on the seat of the bus stop bench and his butt on the backrest.  Lots of piercings, spiky black hair, unlaced combat boots and a leather motorcycle jacket that was way too thin to keep him warm in this weather.  I guess it’s not too cool to let on that you’re freezing your skinny ass off.  Anyway, he’s harmless.
 
The city bus rolls up and the doors slap open.  She lets the mother and child go first then she makes her way up the steps, dropping exact change into the fare box, and finds a seat where she calculates someone is least likely to sit near her.  She’d be there in ten minutes, although she doesn’t want to go.  The thought of it terrifies her.  If she goes, she’ll have to talk to people and she’ll have to tell them the truth so maybe they can help her.  She wanted to call out to the driver to wait.  She wanted, with every fiber of her being, to bolt off the bus and run like hell, but the only thing that frightened her more than going forward was going back to where she’d been.  She knows that, like the memories that haunt her, some ghosts are real. Some ghosts are real and they can hurt you.  So, she doesn’t call out and she doesn’t run.  She forces herself to stay quiet and to stay put and, although she’s scared to death, she goes anyway.  She goes because, despite her cool, polished exterior, she is desperate.  The driver shuts the doors and off they drive into the night.

Want to read the rest right now?
Order on Kindle or in paperback by clicking on the Amazon Affiliate Book Link below!

​Thank you so much, xoAmie

HEALING YOUR KINTSUKUROI HEART; Part 2
This is part 2 in a series. 
Click here for part 1
 
Last week we identified that low self-esteem is the original “gateway drug” even if your challenges have nothing whatsoever to do with substance abuse. Click here to read the post.  I also said that, even if you don’t initially think it applies to you, I’d illustrate how it may - so stay with me. 
 
Today we’ll discuss how accepting this truth – that low self-esteem is source of our issues - can change this gateway drug into your gateway to healing.
 
LET’S EXPLORE SOME SCENARIOS:

• I over spent and I blew my budget.  And now I don’t have enough to pay rent.
• I am overwhelmed.  I don’t have enough time in my day to do half of the things I need to do!  But my friend asked me for a favor and I said yes.
• Instead of exercising and eating healthy just I sat on the couch.  I ate an entire bag of chips, half a package of cookies and submarine sandwich. 
• I’m busy!  I don’t have time to be nice.
• My best friend told me she wanted to go back to school.  And I told her what a stupid Idea I thought that was.  C’mon, at her age?
• I’m in a relationship with someone who verbally and emotionally abuses me. 
• Everything I own has to have a designer label on it where everyone can see it. 
• I went out with the girls for a drink last night.  YOLO!  I don’t even remember how or when I got home.
• I got into a relationship with a married man. 
• I slept with my girlfriend’s boyfriend.
• Every day I find a way to emasculate my husband.  It doesn’t matter if we’re alone or in public. 
• I blew the mortgage at the track.
• Who the hell does she think she is?  I gotta ask because...
• I screamed at someone in another car because they cut me off.  Then I gave them the finger and I told them where they could go. 
• You’re right, what do I know… I shouldn’t even try to do that.
• I engaged in a battle with someone I don’t even know on Social Media. 
• I tell people exactly what I think, even if it hurts their feelings.  I’m honest like that.
• I spend hours, and hours, and hours on FB – watching a movie – shopping - cleaning the house - instead of pursuing my dreams. 

 
Do any of these statements – or a version of them – resonate with you?  If so, read the one(s) that do(es) again, but this time tack on the words “Because I feel so good about myself.” at the end.  For a clearer illustration you can watch the companion video here.
 
Now you get it, right?  It’s contradictory.  Any type of behavior that doesn’t honor yourself or who you want to be, isn’t in service of your dream – or in pursuit of being or becoming the very best version of yourself, comes from a place of feeling “less than.”  People who truly feel good about themselves don’t think, speak, or behave in ways that are people pleasing, unhelpful, unkind, lack understanding or have a positive purpose – regardless of whether it’s directed inward or outward.  There’s no shame in feeling less than.  It just is.  And the sooner you can embrace that the sooner you can get on with doing something about making it better.
 
Note – don’t confuse an inflated ego with a healthy self-worth!  Ego is the opposite side of the same low-self esteem coin.  People who feel good about themselves don’t have to blow themselves up in an attempt to impress others.  A healthy self-esteem isn’t greater than or less than; It’s equal to.
 
SO, NOW WHAT?
 
I’ll tell you everything – step by step - in this series. Again - It’s free.   There’s nothing to buy to gain access to all of it.  If you’d really like you can read my book, Kintsukuroi Heart; More Beautiful For Having Been Broken, or order the companion workbook to this series, both on Amazon, but you certainly don’t have to.  All you really need is occasional access to the internet and a pad and pen – real or virtual.  Oh, and a deep commitment to change… if only you could order that on Amazon!
 
HOW I AND WHY I CREATED THIS PROGRAM.
 
I had issues.  Big issues.  As I mentioned before, the specifics of how those issues presented themselves aren’t important right now.  I’ll talk more about them in a later video/blog.
 
Initially, I worked through my issues by taking the traditional route of therapy, self-help groups and talking with friends, which all worked and I still recommend.  But for me, they only worked for so long and only to a degree.  They were either too costly, didn’t go deep enough or they addressed the symptoms and not the root cause; I needed to dig down and truly change the way I looked at things and, most importantly, change how I viewed myself.  If I could do that, I knew my life would change. 
 
Over the years I’d gathered inspiration through books and movies.  Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.  Gifts from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh. Under the Tuscan Sun (the movie).  A Year by the Sea by Joan Anderson.  Educated by Tara Westover.  Wild by Cheryl Strayed.  Love Warrior by Glennon Doyle Menton.  The list goes on.
 
However, most of the books and films in this genre, wonderful stories that I have deeply loved (I recommend them all and have linked them below), came from a place so unique that, although fabulously inspirational, were for me, mostly unrelatable or unactionable – the experiences of the very fortunate or wealthy, or situations so extreme that very few people find themselves – offering remedies that were simply out of my reach.  I wasn’t in a position to take time away at the beach or travel around the world to find myself, I had to work!  I didn’t have extra money or a scholarship to an Ivy League school.  I deeply admired those who did and longed to be in their shoes, but I simply wasn’t. There were times when I couldn’t even afford to buy those books or a ticket to the movies, I checked them out of the library.  But I read them.  I watched them.  They inspired me and gave me something to shoot for! 
 
So, being a determined and resourceful little bugger and having the professional training, I devised a way to do these extraordinary things – to embark on a life-altering journey of healing – without leaving home and with rather ordinary resources.  These “ordinary” circumstances are what often stops women from doing something extraordinary.  You are my people and I am here to inspire you! 
 
I put myself on an intense minimalistic, at home self-retreat.  Exactly what I would do if I paid thousands of dollars to go away on retreat.  I committed to addressing my issues via holistic wellness, intentional physical exercise, and the mind/body/spirit connection.  I practiced yoga and meditation, and began living with defined intention.  I unplugged and sought peace, quiet, and solitude.  These things are easily accessible and available to all of us for free or at very little cost.  In fact, once I went into this wholeheartedly – a time of concentrated self-discovery and minimalism - I actually saved a ton of money.  This realistic vantage point is one way in which I feel this program is different; it wholly accessible and meets you at a place where many of us find ourselves when starting over.
 
 
I know it works because I created it, I’ve applied it, I’ve lived it, I’ve practiced it and afterwards, the really poor life choices I’d been allowing to enter my life on a daily basis became inconceivable to me.  Not because I focused on changing those choices but because I changed how I felt on the inside.  I healed the person who was making them.  The positive choices I began making became a symptom of how I felt about myself just like the negative ones had been. I didn’t work on the symptoms –I addressed the root cause of the symptoms.
 
To be clear, I had to clean up the results of some of those choices and so will you.  Not to worry, I’ll help.  I’ll give you the tools and we’ll go over all of it, step by step.
 
Now is your time to work on acceptance.  To ready yourself to embark upon a journey of deep and lasting change and true transformation.  Next week, we start the transformation.

"A healthy self-esteem isn’t greater than or less than; It’s equal to."
Amie Gabriel