What do you do when you've made positive changes in your life but people don't or won't support you? No one can hold you prisoner for the mistakes of your past without guarding the gate and keeping track of the key. The inmate and the warden are trapped in the jail together. ​ If there are people in your life that refuse to support or recognize your growth, it may be time to let them go, or at least keep them at arm’s length. Their inability to move on isn’t about you it’s about them. They cannot recognize in others what they are unable to accomplish themselves. If they are determined to try and shame you, it is due to their own shame. If they keep bringing up your past, it is because that is where they live. People who feel good about themselves don’t try to make others feel bad. The trap, however, only exists in their mind. Wish them well and leave them to it. To free yourself, you only need to walk away.

​ xoAmie

Do you know what is really stressful?  Running late.  When we manage our day to include what I call “the luxury of time” everything runs much more smoothly and it is so much easier to remain calm, centered and, well, pleasant to be around.  This takes planning. What that plan includes is a time buffer.  Here’s what I mean.
 
Let’s say dinner is at 6 pm and the stuffed peppers you’ve made need to cook for 1 hour.  You’ve gone   trough the trouble of prepping your meal in advance and all you need to do is pop the pan in the oven.  You can’t head to the kitchen at 5 pm and expect the peppers to be ready to serve at 6.  You have to stop whatever your doing (we’ll get to that in a minute) turn on the oven - check what temperature you need to set the oven if you don’t remember offhand – let it pre-heat.   If you haven’t made them several times before you’ll want to leave a little bit of extra time just in case they’re not fully cooked in the allotted time. Once they’re done you’ll want a few minutes to let them set when they come out of the oven, plate them and get them to the table.  It’s impossible to do that in an hour if they need an hour to cook.  I start the process 15 minutes before hand, at 4:45.  If they happen to be done early it’s a lot easier to keep something warm for a few minutes than to will it to cook faster.  I know, I’ve tried. 
 
If you have to be somewhere at 3:00 and your GPS says it takes 15 minutes to get there, if you leave the house at 2:45 you’re probably going to be a little late.  If you’re not concerned about this perhaps you may want to expand your focus a bit to include the importance of other people’s time, just sayin’!  You have to exit your home, get to the car, turn it on, back it out and get on the road…. The 15 minutes is actual drive time from address to address and it doesn’t allow for red lights, being behind a slow driver, parking or getting yourself physically to where you’re supposed to be, so you should do it in stead.  The amount of buffer time is going to vary depending upon where you live and where you’re going.  If you live in an apartment building and you have to take an elevator down to the parking garage you’re obviously going to have to allow more time than if your car is parked 3 feet from your door on the curb of a quiet street.  Or if you live in a quiet town or a major city.  If you’ve been to the place before and know exactly how to get there or your relying on directions or if you can park right in from or have to search for a spot with a parking meter or in a garage.  When I lived in a small town I’d leave at least 10 mins early and when I lived in LA I’d often head out a half an hour early.  It just depends.
 
There’s also the time – as my mother used to say – to start moving toward the door.  Is it winter time?  Do you have to put on a coat, scarf and gloves?  Do you know where they are?  Are you certain you’ll like how they look when you put them on?  Where are your purse and keys?  How about that file you absolutely have to take with you?  Are they all neatly assembled near the door?  They should be!  


Are you always on time or chronically late?

Do you have any time saving tricks you'd like to share?  Post them in the comments below!

xoAmie

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“Running early and running late can each set off a chain of events in a positive or negative direction.  When I’m hurried, I’m likely to move with impatience and frustration. With the luxury of time, I’m inclined to move with kindness and grace.  Either way, the energy moves with me, through me, and is passed to those around me.”

I like to be on time.  Actually, I like to be early.   Having the luxury of time keeps me calm and helps me to be a happier, nicer person overall.  Conversely, when I’m running late, especially when driving, I’m far less inclined to be generous with other drivers – letting them go first, for instance – and suddenly it’s my job to critique everyone’s driving habits which of course I find painfully sub-par.  I’m no longer smiling and waving someone on, saying “No, please, you go first!” Nope. I’m throwing my hands in the air saying “Oh my God!  Just F*#@ing GO!!”  

Being on time doesn’t just happen, it’s intentional.  One of my best tips for getting out the door is “Don’t Do One More Thing.”  That means, when I know I have to be somewhere and I have a few minutes before I have to leave, I don’t try to squeeze one more chore in before I go.  You know what I’m talking about.  Just go.  Be early.  Trust me.

Speaking of intention, I also get ready to go early.  If it’s something for which I’d like to look particularly nice, a lunch, dinner, meeting, etc., I’ll try on some clothing options a day or two in advance.  That way, I’m sure the outfit will look - and fit – as nicely in reality as it does in my head!  If it needs pressing, I do it right away.  I’ve even been known to have a back-up outfit on deck for, say, a possible change in the weather. 

If you leave early, not just on-time, you won’t freak if you hit traffic, catch every red light, or get stuck behind that “very cautious” driver.  If you arrive early, you can find a decent parking spot, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts, and still have time to visit the rest room!  Talk about a luxury! 

Here are several other benefits of being early/on-time:

• For your spouse, partner, friend(s) and/or whomever is waiting to leave with you or meet you somewhere, it says I value you and your time and I won’t keep you waiting. 
• Being on-time and relaxed communicates that you’re reliable, conscientious, and in command of your world. 
• It’s empowering!  It makes you feel good and feel good about yourself.  You’re much more likely to have a fantastic time or do a phenomenal job if you’re ready to go and feeling great!
• For your holistic wellness, it keeps you present, centered, and free from “Monkey Mind.” And, seriously… who the hell wants Monkey Mind?
• 
  

 xoAmie

I have other hints and tricks for running on time and we’ll see them in future posts. 
 
What are your favorite tips for arriving cool, calm, and collected with smile on your face as opposed to… oh, I don’t know… power sliding in sideways? 
 
PS:  I love, likes, comments and shares!!  
​
*Originally Posted July, 2019

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Originally Posted July, 2019 - Now with a companion video!

“The order or disorder of my surroundings is directly proportionate to my state of mind.  Visual and physical clutter is the external manifestation of my internal clutter.”  
 
One of the greatest gifts I’ve ever given myself was tidying up and organizing my home.  No matter where I lived it seemed there was never a sense of order which, for me, meant no sense of peace or calm. 

Initially, it was the entire place.  It was a mess.  It isolated me and I never opened my home to family or friends because I was ashamed. God forbid someone showed up unannounced “Sorry about the mess!  I’m right in the middle of purging and reorganizing the whole place!” I’d smile and lie while cringing inside.  Even when I finally managed to straighten the common areas, there was always a section, a room, that was jam packed with junk, boxes never unpacked, clothes; cupboards and closets that oozed forth their jumbled contents whenever I dared open the door. It was stressful, and because I couldn’t lay my hands on anything, a massive time thief.

Long before I'd ever heard of "Sparking Joy", I made the decision to face the overwhelming task and address it once and for all. There is a lot of emotional energy tangled up in that mess and to move it is to unleash it.  Doing so was greatly upsetting and often made me feel sick to my stomach.   I knew it was going to take several weeks or more to tackle it all but it had to be done.

I’d pick a day, shore myself up mentally, open the windows wide, and attack.  I did it piece by piece, section by section, room by room.  I made piles: trash, donate, sell, keep. Once I lay my hands on something, I would only allow myself to set it down in one of the four piles.  If I didn’t love it or truly need it I let it go (this often required some seriously tough self-love: “C’mon, Amie, just face it.  You are never, EVER going to use that pasta maker.”) And there was no room for excuses: “But this belonged to so and so” or “Whosiwhatsis gave it to me!”  I was no longer in the business of being an emotional storage unit.  For clothing, it had to meet all three of the following criteria: it had to “flatter the wearer”; aka make me look and feel like a million bucks, be age appropriate (just because I can doesn’t mean I ought to!) and have no tears, stains, or wear, otherwise it was gone.

When I was done sorting, the items I wanted to sell went on Craig’s List that same day and the garbage and giveaways were taken out of the house immediately.  The trash went to the curb or straight to the dump and all donations went directly to the car to be dropped that day or as soon as the place was open.   I had one hard rule: once it was out of the house it didn’t come back. 

Then, I’d clean the area top to bottom.  The more I had gotten rid of the easier it was to put away and organize what was left.

It was a huge job but once it was done, I felt amazing.  For days afterward, I would keep going back to the newly cleaned area to gaze upon and admire my work.  I started keeping my car clean, too. How different this all made me feel!!  Oprah Winfrey (or maybe it was Nate Burkus on the Oprah Show?) once said “Your home should rise up to meet you.”  This is so true!  Few things feel better to me than waking up or coming home to a tidy space.  It shows respect for my belongings, my home, and myself. 

​xoAmie

 How do you feel about keeping you home in order?  Have you done it? Do you hope to?    Or do you like your crap just the way it is, thank you very much! 

Please comment below.  I'd love to hear your thoughts and experience!  Maybe you have a source of inspiration you'd like to share?  

Recommended Inspiration: 
Six words: Nate Burkus, Oprah Winfrey, 'Nuff Said: http://www.oprah.com/home/take-nate-berkus-home-with-you_1

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​Nate always inspires and Marie Kondo has Sparked me some serious Joy!! 

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​Post 10 - Move a Muscle Change a Thought

Going on a personal, long term self-retreat requires commitment and discipline.   You need time and quite to focus inward and to practice self-care.  The goal is to develop a true sense of self and figure out who you are as an individual.  To get to know yourself and to be autonomous.  Who are you when you have the freedom to act independently… without the input, judgement or opinions of others whispering in your ear?
 
As we first discussed in part 3, you must learn be kind to yourself, practice self-respect, maintain a healthy lifestyle, and there is to be no negative self-talk.  No putting yourself down or calling yourself bad names.  Like the saying goes, if you don’t have anything nice to say, we should say nothing at all.  If you are going to change the way you feel about yourself, you need to treat yourself like you are important and worthy, and you must to rewrite your internal dialogue.
 
Once you cut out the clutter and the noise, you’ll be amazed at how much time you discover.  Go for walks but go in silence.  No music in your headphones.  Listen to the birds singing, look at the sky and the trees.  If you find it impossible to turn off the negative chatter in your head then it’s ok to listen to meditations with positive affirmations, light classical or meditation music especially those with sounds of nature in the background, but keep the volume low and relaxing.  But use this only as a bridge.  Your goal is to be able to spend quiet time with yourself without noise and distractions.  I suggest that you use the same refocusing technique for walking as you do for meditation.  When your thoughts begin to wander bring the focus back to the breath.  There’s no hurry to this goal it’s a marathon not a sprint.
 
Also, the ultimate goal here is not to walk without thought, it’s to walk without “noise” and/or negative thought.  Moving the body is one of the best ways to clear your head and consider where you’d like your life to go and come up with plans on how best to get there.  I’ve had some of my best ideas and greatest epiphanies while hiking and walking!
 
Here’s an exercise.

• If you cannot keep negative thoughts out of your head and find walking with soothing music much more calming that’s perfectly fine.  Let’s say you go for a one hour walk every day.
• Week One:  Walk with your calming music or meditation set to a low volume for your full walk.
• Week Two:  Walk with your calming music or meditation set to a low volume for the first 50 minutes and walk the last 10 minutes in silence.
• Week Three:  Walk with your calming music or meditation set to a low volume for the first 45 minutes and walk the last 15 minutes in silence.
• Continue doing this and every week add another 5 minutes of walking without and headphones.

 
I suggest that when you walk, you take your cell phone for safety but turn it to silent, turn off vibrate, and refrain from checking it for the duration of your walk. 
 
practice yoga and meditation. 
 
Conversely, I offer the same advice for meditation as I do for walking.  If you’re unable to “clear your head” as it were while meditating start with short, guided meditations. 

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POST 10 - TAKING BACK YOUR POWER
 
We’ve spoken in terms of what you’d have to give up by letting go of some of the modern conveniences rather than what you will gain.  It’s time to flip that conversation.  Those of us old enough to remember the time before computers and cell phones… and even a time before email and answering machines may have an easier time of this.
 
The news was on in the evening.  If you needed more you could read the paper but there wasn’t a constant assault of noise and information.  If something really big happened, news wise, they’d break into programming to deliver it.  Often someone would call to ask if you’d heard it.  If you missed that, the news would get to you one way or another and not having instant knowledge didn’t change what happened.  News has a way of traveling with or without an app notification.  Speaking of notifications I have all of mine turned off.  I check them they don’t check me.
 
When I was younger we had a natural way of prioritizing and focusing on what was right in front of us.  If you were out playing and the phone rang you simply missed the call never even knowing that it came.  If it was important they’d call back.  We did things without interruption.  If we were out having a meal with a friend the words “sorry, I have to take this” never crossed our lips.  We just did the one thing.  What a concept! 
 
Believe it or not, we can return to this singleness of focus.  The cell phone, tv, and radio all have off buttons.  If we’re having a meal with a friend, going out for a walk, watching a movie or otherwise occupied, why not switch off your phone?  If this thought makes you uneasy ask yourself one question; Who’s in charge around here?  You or the phone.  The answer is YOU.  Turn the thing off.  You decide when you’ll receive information and when you won’t. Take back your power!
 
What you will gain by disconnecting:
 
Time
Money
Peace
Focus
Calmness
Stress reduction
Happiness
Self awareness
Absorption in a person, pet, project, task, activity
Increased attention span
Groundedness
 
What you’ll actually be giving up:
 
Cortisol, the stress hormone
Constant interruptions
Addiction/dependence on an appliance
The need for instant gratification
Being at servitude of a device
 
This is not deprivation it’s possession!  Empowerment!

Are YOU ready to take back you power?

What negative things will you be letting go of by unplugging?  Please let me know in the comments below!
 
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PART 6 - HOW FAR ARE YOU WILLING TO GO TO HEAL?
 
You will get out of it what you put into it.  The deeper your commitment to this process the more profound the change will be.
 
Full Self-Retreat - The Minimalist Detox
 
You will fully detach and unplug
 
This is great for

•  Deep healing
• Addictions
• Full lifestyle change
• Inviting real happiness and positivity
• Saving a lot of money and acquiring wealth
• Putting yourself first
• Seeing the true beauty in life

Just to name a few!
 
Changing Your Subconscious. 
 
What is the subconscious mind?  It’s the the mother board of the brain.  In some ways it’s like the default settings on your phone or computer. It’s why we don’t have to think about breathing because it’s programmed into our brains.  However, you can also breathe consciously like when you’re meditating.  Your subconscious brain is your default program.  The part of your brain that takes over and drives you home when you’re lost in thought or busy performing your favorite song.  The very first time you drive someplace you need to focus, to concentrate, but the more often you go there the less you have to think about it.  Soon you can get there on autopilot.  Why?  Because a conscious thought performed over and over became part of the subconscious.    It’s your auto pilot.  It’s also where we store all our beliefs. 
 
Think of it like this.  If a wagon travels up and down the same dirt road over and over, eventually it’s wheels will create a rut in the road.  However, once that rut is created the same wheels that created it will fall into it, unable to break free from that path without great effort.  The wheel creates the rut, then the rut controls the wheel.  The mind is like that with thoughts.  For this purpose the thoughts you have are the wheel and the subconscious mind is the road.    If you think the same thing over and over again it will become part of the subconscious brain and that thought process will take on a life of its own.    The though becomes the default program, the auto pilot.  That’s why it’s so hard to change.  But you can change it.  You just have to shift where the wheels of that wagon travel.  Or drive it down a different road, altogether. By doing so, again and again, over time you can create a new healthy track for the wheels to travel.  How do I know?  Because I’ve done it.
 
So that’s what we’re going to do.  We’re going to break free of those ruts and drive your wagon down a different road.  But it’s going to take thought, concentration, effort, commitment and time.  And it will need to be repeated over and over again.

For the Full Program:  
Turn off the internet and cable for one year.
 
You can go to the library for anything you need.
 
What you will do in your massive amounts of free time?
 
Practice self-care.  Exercise in the way that best suits you and makes you happiest.  This time is all about getting to know yourself
 
What you are trying to accomplish with this?
 
Changing your levels of dopamine and what makes you happy!
 
If this sounds impractical for you we'll do the next best thing.
 
No More WiFi. 
 
You go where the computer is, it doesn’t go where you are.  You will move your computer into a separate room and you must sit in front of it to be online.  This time should be scheduled and limited.  Just as if you had turned off your internet and had to go to the library. If you use your phone to go online you will also have to do this only in a designated area for a very limited amount of time. 
 
You are on retreat.  Your days will no longer be frittered away online.  

Does this sound like something YOU are willing to do?  Will you give it a try?  Please let me know in the comments below the video!  Thank you!  xoAmie

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 HOW TO GET TO KNOW YOURSELF AND REVEAL THE SOURCE OF YOUR ISSUES – Turning your life into a full-time retreat.

This is part 5 in a series.  Click here or "Healing Your Kintsukuroi Heart" in the categories menu to go to the full series
 
If doing what you’ve been doing hasn’t been working, you’ll have to do something else.  Once again simple but not easy.  In order to find out who you really are – to really get to know yourself – you will have to create space in your life.  A lot of it.
 
The Wisdom of Minimalism (Where Terrifying Meets Extraordinary)
 
Turn off the noise.  It is a distraction and a huge time vampire.  I went all the way with this one because, well, I was really ready.  I was sick to death of living the way I was living and feeling the way I was feeling so I made a drastic change.  It also dovetailed perfectly with one of my “symptoms” which was my financial problems.  Even if you don’t have financial issues, there is still great beauty in living with less.
 
I turned off my internet (breathe), my cable and my landline telephone.  It was a terrifying step to take – and let me tell you, my internet/cable provider did not make it easy.  They made offer upon offer to keep from losing me as a customer but I stood firm.  Once I did it, it was like the scene from The Wizard of Oz when Dorothy’s house got spit out of the twister.  She landed with a thud and everything went silent.  Being left alone with yourself without TV or internet is terrifying and liberating in equal measure although the liberating part is a little harder to absorb. 
 
So there is was alone I my quiet little house.  Now what? What the hell am I supposed to DO?  What will you do?  And the answer is… anything you want! 
 
Here’s the list of what I stopped doing:
 
Watching the news.
Watching tv or movies with no redeeming qualities.
Socializing and/or having relationships with toxic people.
Eating unhealthy food.
Wasting time on things that don’t matter.
Negative self-talk.
 
Here’s a list of some the things I did with my new free time:

• Went for walks (movement is a wonderful facilitator of healthy, productive thought)
• Went running.
• Read
• Practiced yoga and meditation.
• Took on the projects I’d been putting off forever.
  • Decluttered, organized and cleaned my house.
  • Worked on simple repairs on my house.
  • Paired down my wardrobe.
• Worked in my garden.
• Whet to “pick your own” fruit and veggie farms from spring to fall.
• Went to the library.
  • I’d go with a list of things I wanted to look-up/research online.
  • Checked out books, books on tape and movies with positive and empowering themes.
• Journaled
• Soaked in the tub, sometimes reading in there for hours.
• Practiced self-care/skin-care.
• Started working on my art again.
• Stared sewing again.
• Went to museums.
• I spent time with only a very few of my closest friends who were on similar paths but intentionally kept socializing to a minimum.
• Worked on my career deciding which parts to expand and which to let go of.
• I identified the source of my issues – my low self-esteem – and made a concerted effort to heal.
• I went to bed and got up at the time that best suited me.
• Cooked healthy meals for myself.
• I tried new things I’d always wanted to try but never got around to just to see if I liked them.

 
What I accomplished in doing all this was discovering who I was and what I most liked to do.  I created a schedule that was all mine filled with things I never even knew I liked or never had the time to do.  I became so much calmer and more relaxed and without the barrage of negativity from the news and social media I was happier, more centered and grounded.
 
The better care I took of myself the better I felt about myself. The better I felt about myself the better choices I made.  The better choices I made the more I earned self-respect.  The more self-respect I had, the better care I took of myself, an so on… 
 
In doing this for an extended period of time, I found clarity.  I found my identity.  I found my strength and power. I began to feel really sure of myself and confident in who I am.  I became far less mailable to the opinions of others.  I rewrote my internal dialogue. 
 
I discovered I was passionate about going to bed and getting up early, going for a run at first light and then making myself a big healthy breakfast.  I remember how much I adored hiking in the woods and loved my artwork.  I even had my first real art show!  I was an artist!  Who the heck knew?  I found that I couldn’t wait to make myself dinner and watch a dvd about an empowered woman or how someone overcame the odds and found true happiness.  I enjoyed it so much that I’d actually get excited about it!   I did these things daily – even on days I had to work I could still get up early and do what I wanted. The same at the end of the day.  By doing exactly what I wanted – good healthy habits - for an extended period of time I found I very much preferred my own company doing what I enjoyed over many other things.  I certainly wasn’t going to spend my time with people who weren’t positive and really enjoyable to be around or doing something that was unhealthy for myself.  I got to the point where it simply was no longer an option. 
 
Here’s something else I found - The brain is the original search engine; it remembers what you’re looking for and seeks it out, putting it in your path over and over.  When I stopped making unhealthy choices those choices, over time, fell away and no longer presented themselves in my life.  It’s not that they no longer existed they just became so uninteresting to me, they fell of my radar.  Remember the Jersey Barriers? (Click here to read my Jersey Barrier reference!) 
 
I learned that it becomes second nature to make healthy choices for yourself when you like yourself and know exactly who you are.  And it becomes second nature to do so with a quiet grace.
 
 
“Holding on is believing that there’s only a past; letting go is knowing that there’s a future.”
– Daphne Rose Kingma

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​KINTSUKUROI HEART; More Beautiful for Having Been Broken
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​CHANGING SELF PERCEPTION
Taking Action

This is part 4 in a series.  Click "Healing Your Kintsukuroi Heart" in the categories menu to go to the full series

To change what’s happening on the outside you must change what’s happening on the inside.

This post is going to be short and sweet - because it's really important!
 
Pulling the Plug - How Far Are You Willing To Go?
 
There’s a saying “You gotta want it.” It’s true.  If you don’t want it bad enough it’s not going to happen.  You have to fully commit to the process or there will always be an excuse.  There seems to be a switch I can flip in my head that allows me to go full speed ahead toward whatever the goal once I’ve fully committed to the process.  For me, it’s reward based so I have to clearly choose which reward I want, fully invest in it and make whatever sacrifices are necessary, without looking back.  You have to give something to get something, right?  If I can do it so can you.  Here’s an example. How committed are you to not touching a hot stove?  Pretty committed, right?  There is no positive outcome to touching a scalding hot surface and the reward for not doing it is not getting burned.  A clear choice and outcome.  Now, clearly the dynamic shifts when you have a choice between two things that you want.  Especially if the choice lies between instant gratification and delayed gratification.  Say, dropping 10 pounds for your health or eating your favorite unhealthy food that’s sitting in front of you.  Not so clear now, is it? 
 
How to commit to the outcome.
 
My Jersey Barrier Analogy:  Are you familiar with Jersey Barriers?  They’re those segments of cement wall that are sometimes put to the side of the freeway or highway, often when there’s construction.  They can be a little scary to drive next to when they’re placed right at the edge of the lane with what appears to be virtually no shoulder. If you’re driving along with your attention on not hitting them and giving them the side eye, it can really freak you out!  But there’s a trick to driving next to them with far less difficulty.  You have to ignore them!  If you keep your eyes down the road where you’re going, centering yourself in the lane, they fall away from view.  Just look where you’re going as opposed to where you don’t want to go.  Try it next time you encounter them.  You’re welcome.
 
So, speaking of looking where you’re going, you can see where I’m going with this, right?  You have to fully commit to the destination and keep your eyes on your intended outcome.  You must wholeheartedly choose.  If you’re still seeing the obstacles – or the temptations - you’re not focused on the true reward.  How do I know?  Jersey barriers.  You can’t look in two places at the same time.
 
Priorities
 
Say you’re overspending, swimming in debt, stressed out all the time and you’re really sick of it.  You want to get out of debt, do it as quickly as possible and set yourself up for a long-term savings plan so you never have to feel this way again (we’ll go over exactly how to do this in another session.)  But wait!  You see this super cute dress that you just have to have! 
 
Seriously?  If your house was on fire do you get out and call 911 or decide you’d like to stop first and toast a marshmallow?  Buying that dress, or anything else that isn’t life sustaining should seem as ridiculous to you as making s’mores at a house fire. That’s setting priorities.
 
Once you become wholly invested in your chosen outcome the distractions will fall away from view and disappear.  If they don’t, you’re not fully committed.  It’s truly that simple. 

Quote of the Day
"To change what’s happening on the outside you must change what’s happening on the inside."
​
If you can relate to any, or all of these statements to any degree, I’ll see you here in the next installment.  Thursday, February 4th at 1 pm Pacific time.

Can you relate?  Are you considering participating in this program?  Please let me know what you think!  Comment below... I'd love to hear your thoughts! xoAmie

Read Amie's Book:
​KINTSUKUROI HEART; More Beautiful for Having Been Broken
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WHERE TO BEGIN
 
This is part 3 in a series.  Click here or "Healing Your Kintsukuroi Heart" in the categories menu to go to the full series
Click here for Part 1
 Click here for Part 2

Taking Inventory
​
I started by looking at what wasn’t working in my life – aka – the symptoms – and working backward to find the underlying cause.  Here’s what I mean.  For me, the two biggest “problems” were my lack of money/resulting debt, and making poor relationship choices.  Then I asked myself why it was happening?  Why was I broke?  Why did I invite chaos and negativity into my life in the form of unhealthy relationships?
 
Because of the deep seated beliefs I held about myself.  If I really, deep down, thought I deserved better I would have required it.  This concept was easier to understand when it came to relationships but not so easy when it came to money.  On the surface I thought it was the economy or just my crappy luck.  Perhaps it was to a degree, but honestly, it was just more chaos and a manifestation – or symptom, if you prefer - of how I saw myself… as in “not enough”.  If I doubted my own worth how could I claim it? 
 
Ok, so I discovered and named the source.  I did that piece of the work for you and I’m happy to pass it along to give you the starting point.  Now, your job is to accept this truth, fine tune it to fit your specific situation(s), and make the commitment to put the plan into action and heal yourself.  It’s a large undertaking but entirely doable!
 
It bears repeating - How or why we originally acquired these feelings of low self-worth is irrelevant for now.  Because regardless of how they got there, here we are.  And now it’s up to us to fix it.
 
SO, IT REALLY IS ALL ABOUT US!  
And admitting that we are at the center of our issues. 
 
Doing this – acknowledging that how we view ourselves is the root of our issues - rather than blaming outward circumstances, or someone else – gives us the power to change.  If someone or something else is the cause of our issues than there’s nothing we can do to change anything.  Taking ownership means taking back our power.  This part is crucial.  You must own it. 
 
So now what?  Now we fix it.
 
THE FOUR-PRONGED PLAN OF INTENTION.

• You've named - and accepted - the source so the work of healing can begin – re-writing your deep-seated internal beliefs.
• You’ll clean up any messes you’ve made.
• You’ll reduce or eliminate what isn’t working in your life.
• You’ll introduce or expand what is working in your life.

 
Moving forward, as the healing takes hold, good choices and positive movement will become more and more intuitive and a self-perpetuating upward spiral takes hold.  Your thoughts, words and actions will be in service of your very best self and fulfilling your dreams.  It will become second-nature.
 
THE FOUR-PRONGED PLAN OF ACTION.
 
Note: I strongly suggest writing this out with physical pen and paper.  It connects you more deeply to the work.
 
Make a list of what isn’t working in your life. Start with the big things.  What are you doing that you need to stop doing?  Write it down.  Now, what aren’t you doing that you need to start?  Write it down.  You’ll apply these things to your personalized Four-Pronged Plan!  They will become the promise you make to yourself.  Your mission statement.  You can use pen and paper or purchase the workbook here.  
 
Rule Number One: 
 
MINE:
No relationships of any kind with men for one year.  None.  No dates, no flirting, no phone calls, not even hanging out platonically with male friends (because they also offered attention and externally fed my damaged ego).  It was absolute.  No relationships.  No men.  Period.  They were part of the problem and also a distraction and I could afford neither, so they were the first thing to go.  I was officially and completely off the market.
 
YOURS:
What will you let go of that isn’t serving your higher purpose?  What needs to go?  Are you over spending?  Talking smack about yourself and/or others?  People pleasing or tolerating unkindness? Smoking, overeating, or another self-destructive behavior?  Get very specific.  Break it down into segments. Use my example above as a template.  If it’s more than one thing, fill this part in more than once. 
 
Your Rule Number One Template: 
No (fill in the blank) of any kind for one year.  None.  No (fill in the blank), no (fill in the blank), no (fill in the blank), not even (fill in the blank) because (state your deep truth).  It is absolute.  No (fill in the blank).  No (fill in the blank).  Period.  This is part of the problem and also a distraction and I can afford neither, so they are/it is the first thing to go.  I am officially and completely (fill in the blank).
 
Rule Number Two: 
Focus inward and practice self-care.  I’d never really developed a true sense of self or figured out who I was as an individual.  You need to get to know yourself and to be autonomous.  You will also be kind to yourself, practice self-respect, maintain a healthy lifestyle, and there will be no more negative self-talk.  You will stop putting yourself down or calling yourself names.  Not even in jest.  Like the saying goes, if you don’t have anything nice to say, you will say nothing at all.  If you are going to change the way you feel about yourself, you must to treat yourself like you are important and worthy, and you must rewrite your internal dialogue.  We will have an upcoming, detailed posts specifically on self-care and discovering yourself as an individual!
 
Note: If you let something slip out, if you refer to yourself in a derogatory fashion, stop as soon as you realize it.  Look in the mirror if you can, but breathe and tell yourself this.: “I’m sorry.  That was unkind.  It’s simply not true.  I deserve much better.  Please forgive the mistake.  I will do better next time.  I am amazing.” Forgive yourself and breathe…
 
Rule Number Three: 
MINE:
Career.  Many years ago, in 1998 to be exact, I’d chosen a career in holistic wellness.  A field that I loved but, in practice, had never really enjoyed.  I would now allow myself to be fully focused on developing and nurturing my career, to let go of the parts I didn’t love and pursue and expand the parts I was passionate about, to continue my education and become an expert in my field, to know my own worth and to claim it.  Taking control of my debt also came under this heading.  It’s up to you to decide if cleaning up any messes you’ve made becomes part of rule number 1 or rule number 2.  We’ll address this further in upcoming posts/videos.
 
YOURS; Here's your template:
​What will you begin to create?  What steps will you take to live your dream, achieve your higher purpose.  What will you do every day to live in service of making it happen?   If it’s more than one thing, fill this part in more than once.
 

I will now allow myself to be fully focused on developing and nurturing my (fill in the blank), to create time and space to (state you deep desire) to (state your commitment to the process and how you will go about it and your ultimate goal), to own my right to pursue my dreams, know my own worth and to claim it.  
 
RULE NUMBER FOUR:
This will come a bit later.
 
That's it, simple but not necessarily easy.  If you are choosing to do the full program, the entire year will be devoted to helping yourself heal; mind, body, spirit and craft.  Yes, one year!  We are talking about very deep healing!  You can also choose to try it for as little as a weekend - or one month - thee months or six.  Or, you read the blog, watch the videos and put them into practice where, when and how you see fit.  But again, very deep, long lasting, life changing healing takes a long time.  I did it and it changed my life in ways I never dreamed of!
 
Take some time with this part – the next two weeks if you need it.  Get quiet, sit with yourself.  Do some real soul-searching.  These are true commitments you’re making to yourself.  You owe it to yourself.  It’s time.

Quote of the Day
"Acknowledging that how we view ourselves is the root of our issues - rather than blaming outward circumstances, or someone else – gives us the power to change. Taking ownership means taking back our power."
Amie Gabriel  

If you can relate to any, or all of these statements to any degree, I’ll see you here in the next installment.  Thursday, January 28th at 1 pm Pacific time.

Can you relate?  Are you considering participating in this program?  Please let us know what you think!  Comment below... I's love to hear your thoughts! xoAmie

Read Amie's Book:
​KINTSUKUROI HEART; More Beautiful for Having Been Broken
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