In Praise of Wrinkles!?!

No one really enjoys seeing wrinkles pop up, however… Beyond the science of the reduction of collagen and elastin, and the stress, worry, bad habits, and lack of sunscreen that helped put them there - why else do we have wrinkles?

Well, for starters... we made it! Here we are!

All the trials and tribulations. All the joys and sorrows the highs and lows, we’re still here.

Congratulations!

We’ve worked.
Under fluorescent lights and sunlight. In front of computer screens, hot ovens, and conveyor belts and we’ve put a roof over our heads and food on the table.

We’ve Mowed the lawn, raked the leaves, shoveled the snow, and painted the house.

We’ve played outside with our children, friends, and pets.

We’ve watched the sunrise and set. We’ve traveled, hiked, biked, kayaked, skied!

We’ve squinted in the sunshine. Cheered while our children, loved ones, alma maters, and beloved sports heroes battled it out on in the field, the court, the fairway. Sometimes we’ve been the ones being cheered on!

We’ve had backyard BBQs, pool parties, and clam bakes! We’ve baked our bodies on the beach, Had lunch outdoors. We’ve sat in sunny windows reading.

We’ve done all those things and more. And now, We’ve got wrinkles – I prefer laugh lines, smile lines - but it’s because we’ve LIVED! 

Aging is a privilege, as we all know, and lines, gray hair, age spots, and wrinkles are our badges of honor! 

Am I going to be thrilled watching everything continue to move south? No. But maybe feeling a little pride and respect isn’t entirely out of the question either.

So what are some of your most favorite moments that may have added to your "badges of honor"?

Let me know in the comments below!

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​Thanks for joining me today! I’ll see you next time!  xoAmie

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Want to Make a Change?  Put it in Writing! 

When it comes to making life changes, I write them down – I make a list.  Why?  Well, for this, I have two sayings:

1. “It only takes two little words to turn a ‘Bucket List’ into a ‘To Do List.’”
2. “Making a “To Do” list turns a dream into a plan.”

 
Nearly every time I’ve made a change in my life, large or small, I started by making a list.  When I changed my career.  When I got out of debt.  When I wanted to move across the country, and when I was hoping to travel across an ocean.   Doing so has moved me (quite literally!) from “I’m considering this” to “I’m doing this”. 

Granted, “turning a wish list into a to do list” may be over simplifying it a bit… there’s a process.  But even grocery shopping is more effective when you’re armed with a list!

Let’s take my dream to start traveling internationally; I took that one item off my “Bucket List” and broke it down into the simplest of steps.  I didn't worry about how I would accomplish it or anything else, just what I would need to do to go from point A to point B.

Travel Abroad

1. Get a passport
2. Pick a destination
3. Pick date
4. Buy a plane ticket
5. Book lodgings

 
And then I just started doing them.  You can Click Here to read my other blog “Daydream Voyages; How I Became a Solo Woman World Traveler in My 50’s” if you’d like the details of how I made it all happen.

I did the same when I wanted to move three thousand miles back to my hometown.  The thought alone felt overwhelmingly prohibitive but then I wrote it down:

Pre-Move Research

1. Research current cost of living in my hometown.
2. Check out the job market.
3. Determine the cost of the entire move.
4. Confirm my finances can comfortably support the move or start a comprehensive savings plan

OK!  I can do that!  Then I did the same with the physical move.

Moving To Do List

1. Find a place to live (or a place to land temporarily)
2. Make calls to places that are hiring, build professional relationships, set up interviews.
3. Give my notices.
4. Reserve a moving truck
5. Purge and pack my belongings. (Authors note: Friends and family will help for free… But feeding them for their generosity is just good manners! And it’s fun!)
6. Have a yard sale and sell stuff on Craigslist
7. Load the truck and go.

When you break it down in to bite sized morsels you can create a realistic, doable plan of action.  Focus on one task at a time and the outcome will take care of itself. 

The point is, you can either tell yourself it’s impossible, so why bother? or you can begin chipping away at a list. Time goes by either way.  Want to move to your dream town?  Turn your passion into your career?  Heal your past?  You can.  People do it all the time. 

It’s OK to start small… the more you do it the more you’ll see that it can be done.  This is not just some Rah Rah cheerleader new age BS.  I know.  I’ve done it.  xoAmie
 
Are you a list maker?
​Do you have something that you'd love to do but it feels too big an undertaking?
What list will you make today?
Please share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!

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What do you do when you've made positive changes in your life but people don't or won't support you? No one can hold you prisoner for the mistakes of your past without guarding the gate and keeping track of the key. The inmate and the warden are trapped in the jail together. ​ If there are people in your life that refuse to support or recognize your growth, it may be time to let them go, or at least keep them at arm’s length. Their inability to move on isn’t about you it’s about them. They cannot recognize in others what they are unable to accomplish themselves. If they are determined to try and shame you, it is due to their own shame. If they keep bringing up your past, it is because that is where they live. People who feel good about themselves don’t try to make others feel bad. The trap, however, only exists in their mind. Wish them well and leave them to it. To free yourself, you only need to walk away.

​ xoAmie

Do you know what is really stressful?  Running late.  When we manage our day to include what I call “the luxury of time” everything runs much more smoothly and it is so much easier to remain calm, centered and, well, pleasant to be around.  This takes planning. What that plan includes is a time buffer.  Here’s what I mean.
 
Let’s say dinner is at 6 pm and the stuffed peppers you’ve made need to cook for 1 hour.  You’ve gone   trough the trouble of prepping your meal in advance and all you need to do is pop the pan in the oven.  You can’t head to the kitchen at 5 pm and expect the peppers to be ready to serve at 6.  You have to stop whatever your doing (we’ll get to that in a minute) turn on the oven - check what temperature you need to set the oven if you don’t remember offhand – let it pre-heat.   If you haven’t made them several times before you’ll want to leave a little bit of extra time just in case they’re not fully cooked in the allotted time. Once they’re done you’ll want a few minutes to let them set when they come out of the oven, plate them and get them to the table.  It’s impossible to do that in an hour if they need an hour to cook.  I start the process 15 minutes before hand, at 4:45.  If they happen to be done early it’s a lot easier to keep something warm for a few minutes than to will it to cook faster.  I know, I’ve tried. 
 
If you have to be somewhere at 3:00 and your GPS says it takes 15 minutes to get there, if you leave the house at 2:45 you’re probably going to be a little late.  If you’re not concerned about this perhaps you may want to expand your focus a bit to include the importance of other people’s time, just sayin’!  You have to exit your home, get to the car, turn it on, back it out and get on the road…. The 15 minutes is actual drive time from address to address and it doesn’t allow for red lights, being behind a slow driver, parking or getting yourself physically to where you’re supposed to be, so you should do it in stead.  The amount of buffer time is going to vary depending upon where you live and where you’re going.  If you live in an apartment building and you have to take an elevator down to the parking garage you’re obviously going to have to allow more time than if your car is parked 3 feet from your door on the curb of a quiet street.  Or if you live in a quiet town or a major city.  If you’ve been to the place before and know exactly how to get there or your relying on directions or if you can park right in from or have to search for a spot with a parking meter or in a garage.  When I lived in a small town I’d leave at least 10 mins early and when I lived in LA I’d often head out a half an hour early.  It just depends.
 
There’s also the time – as my mother used to say – to start moving toward the door.  Is it winter time?  Do you have to put on a coat, scarf and gloves?  Do you know where they are?  Are you certain you’ll like how they look when you put them on?  Where are your purse and keys?  How about that file you absolutely have to take with you?  Are they all neatly assembled near the door?  They should be!  


Are you always on time or chronically late?

Do you have any time saving tricks you'd like to share?  Post them in the comments below!

xoAmie

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“Running early and running late can each set off a chain of events in a positive or negative direction.  When I’m hurried, I’m likely to move with impatience and frustration. With the luxury of time, I’m inclined to move with kindness and grace.  Either way, the energy moves with me, through me, and is passed to those around me.”

I like to be on time.  Actually, I like to be early.   Having the luxury of time keeps me calm and helps me to be a happier, nicer person overall.  Conversely, when I’m running late, especially when driving, I’m far less inclined to be generous with other drivers – letting them go first, for instance – and suddenly it’s my job to critique everyone’s driving habits which of course I find painfully sub-par.  I’m no longer smiling and waving someone on, saying “No, please, you go first!” Nope. I’m throwing my hands in the air saying “Oh my God!  Just F*#@ing GO!!”  

Being on time doesn’t just happen, it’s intentional.  One of my best tips for getting out the door is “Don’t Do One More Thing.”  That means, when I know I have to be somewhere and I have a few minutes before I have to leave, I don’t try to squeeze one more chore in before I go.  You know what I’m talking about.  Just go.  Be early.  Trust me.

Speaking of intention, I also get ready to go early.  If it’s something for which I’d like to look particularly nice, a lunch, dinner, meeting, etc., I’ll try on some clothing options a day or two in advance.  That way, I’m sure the outfit will look - and fit – as nicely in reality as it does in my head!  If it needs pressing, I do it right away.  I’ve even been known to have a back-up outfit on deck for, say, a possible change in the weather. 

If you leave early, not just on-time, you won’t freak if you hit traffic, catch every red light, or get stuck behind that “very cautious” driver.  If you arrive early, you can find a decent parking spot, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts, and still have time to visit the rest room!  Talk about a luxury! 

Here are several other benefits of being early/on-time:

• For your spouse, partner, friend(s) and/or whomever is waiting to leave with you or meet you somewhere, it says I value you and your time and I won’t keep you waiting. 
• Being on-time and relaxed communicates that you’re reliable, conscientious, and in command of your world. 
• It’s empowering!  It makes you feel good and feel good about yourself.  You’re much more likely to have a fantastic time or do a phenomenal job if you’re ready to go and feeling great!
• For your holistic wellness, it keeps you present, centered, and free from “Monkey Mind.” And, seriously… who the hell wants Monkey Mind?
• 
  

 xoAmie

I have other hints and tricks for running on time and we’ll see them in future posts. 
 
What are your favorite tips for arriving cool, calm, and collected with smile on your face as opposed to… oh, I don’t know… power sliding in sideways? 
 
PS:  I love, likes, comments and shares!!  
​
*Originally Posted July, 2019

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Originally Posted July, 2019 - Now with a companion video!

“The order or disorder of my surroundings is directly proportionate to my state of mind.  Visual and physical clutter is the external manifestation of my internal clutter.”  
 
One of the greatest gifts I’ve ever given myself was tidying up and organizing my home.  No matter where I lived it seemed there was never a sense of order which, for me, meant no sense of peace or calm. 

Initially, it was the entire place.  It was a mess.  It isolated me and I never opened my home to family or friends because I was ashamed. God forbid someone showed up unannounced “Sorry about the mess!  I’m right in the middle of purging and reorganizing the whole place!” I’d smile and lie while cringing inside.  Even when I finally managed to straighten the common areas, there was always a section, a room, that was jam packed with junk, boxes never unpacked, clothes; cupboards and closets that oozed forth their jumbled contents whenever I dared open the door. It was stressful, and because I couldn’t lay my hands on anything, a massive time thief.

Long before I'd ever heard of "Sparking Joy", I made the decision to face the overwhelming task and address it once and for all. There is a lot of emotional energy tangled up in that mess and to move it is to unleash it.  Doing so was greatly upsetting and often made me feel sick to my stomach.   I knew it was going to take several weeks or more to tackle it all but it had to be done.

I’d pick a day, shore myself up mentally, open the windows wide, and attack.  I did it piece by piece, section by section, room by room.  I made piles: trash, donate, sell, keep. Once I lay my hands on something, I would only allow myself to set it down in one of the four piles.  If I didn’t love it or truly need it I let it go (this often required some seriously tough self-love: “C’mon, Amie, just face it.  You are never, EVER going to use that pasta maker.”) And there was no room for excuses: “But this belonged to so and so” or “Whosiwhatsis gave it to me!”  I was no longer in the business of being an emotional storage unit.  For clothing, it had to meet all three of the following criteria: it had to “flatter the wearer”; aka make me look and feel like a million bucks, be age appropriate (just because I can doesn’t mean I ought to!) and have no tears, stains, or wear, otherwise it was gone.

When I was done sorting, the items I wanted to sell went on Craig’s List that same day and the garbage and giveaways were taken out of the house immediately.  The trash went to the curb or straight to the dump and all donations went directly to the car to be dropped that day or as soon as the place was open.   I had one hard rule: once it was out of the house it didn’t come back. 

Then, I’d clean the area top to bottom.  The more I had gotten rid of the easier it was to put away and organize what was left.

It was a huge job but once it was done, I felt amazing.  For days afterward, I would keep going back to the newly cleaned area to gaze upon and admire my work.  I started keeping my car clean, too. How different this all made me feel!!  Oprah Winfrey (or maybe it was Nate Burkus on the Oprah Show?) once said “Your home should rise up to meet you.”  This is so true!  Few things feel better to me than waking up or coming home to a tidy space.  It shows respect for my belongings, my home, and myself. 

​xoAmie

 How do you feel about keeping you home in order?  Have you done it? Do you hope to?    Or do you like your crap just the way it is, thank you very much! 

Please comment below.  I'd love to hear your thoughts and experience!  Maybe you have a source of inspiration you'd like to share?  

Recommended Inspiration: 
Six words: Nate Burkus, Oprah Winfrey, 'Nuff Said: http://www.oprah.com/home/take-nate-berkus-home-with-you_1

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​Nate always inspires and Marie Kondo has Sparked me some serious Joy!! 

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​Post 10 - Move a Muscle Change a Thought

Going on a personal, long term self-retreat requires commitment and discipline.   You need time and quite to focus inward and to practice self-care.  The goal is to develop a true sense of self and figure out who you are as an individual.  To get to know yourself and to be autonomous.  Who are you when you have the freedom to act independently… without the input, judgement or opinions of others whispering in your ear?
 
As we first discussed in part 3, you must learn be kind to yourself, practice self-respect, maintain a healthy lifestyle, and there is to be no negative self-talk.  No putting yourself down or calling yourself bad names.  Like the saying goes, if you don’t have anything nice to say, we should say nothing at all.  If you are going to change the way you feel about yourself, you need to treat yourself like you are important and worthy, and you must to rewrite your internal dialogue.
 
Once you cut out the clutter and the noise, you’ll be amazed at how much time you discover.  Go for walks but go in silence.  No music in your headphones.  Listen to the birds singing, look at the sky and the trees.  If you find it impossible to turn off the negative chatter in your head then it’s ok to listen to meditations with positive affirmations, light classical or meditation music especially those with sounds of nature in the background, but keep the volume low and relaxing.  But use this only as a bridge.  Your goal is to be able to spend quiet time with yourself without noise and distractions.  I suggest that you use the same refocusing technique for walking as you do for meditation.  When your thoughts begin to wander bring the focus back to the breath.  There’s no hurry to this goal it’s a marathon not a sprint.
 
Also, the ultimate goal here is not to walk without thought, it’s to walk without “noise” and/or negative thought.  Moving the body is one of the best ways to clear your head and consider where you’d like your life to go and come up with plans on how best to get there.  I’ve had some of my best ideas and greatest epiphanies while hiking and walking!
 
Here’s an exercise.

• If you cannot keep negative thoughts out of your head and find walking with soothing music much more calming that’s perfectly fine.  Let’s say you go for a one hour walk every day.
• Week One:  Walk with your calming music or meditation set to a low volume for your full walk.
• Week Two:  Walk with your calming music or meditation set to a low volume for the first 50 minutes and walk the last 10 minutes in silence.
• Week Three:  Walk with your calming music or meditation set to a low volume for the first 45 minutes and walk the last 15 minutes in silence.
• Continue doing this and every week add another 5 minutes of walking without and headphones.

 
I suggest that when you walk, you take your cell phone for safety but turn it to silent, turn off vibrate, and refrain from checking it for the duration of your walk. 
 
practice yoga and meditation. 
 
Conversely, I offer the same advice for meditation as I do for walking.  If you’re unable to “clear your head” as it were while meditating start with short, guided meditations. 

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PART 9 - FEED YOUR SOUL
 
What would you do if you could do whatever you wanted and had all day to do it?
 
When you get rid of the time vampires in your life you gain an enormous amount of time and when you’re on a quest to get to know yourself it is your divine right to find the answer to that question.
 
Every so often, take a day to feed your soul and do whatever makes you happy.  Every Sunday morning during my self-retreat – and for many years after - I went to “church”.  For me, nature is my church so I went on a long hike in the woods.  I had a book called “50 Hikes in Connecticut” by Mary Anne Hardy and each week – weather permitting - I’d pick a different hike and study up on it as Sunday approached.  Armed with the book, maps I’d printed at the library, my hiking pack, snacks, lunch and water, I’d let someone know where I was planning to go (for safety) and head out early in the morning.  It was my bliss.  I’d disappear onto a trail, hiking along immersed in the sounds and scents of the woods.  I’d picnic on rock with an overlook or picking table provided by the state parks, and I have myself a fine time!
 
Question:  What will you do to feed your soul? 
Answer: Anything you damn well please!  

What will you do to feed your soul?  Let me know in the comments below!  xoAmie
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Watch the companion Video!