WHERE TO BEGIN
 
This is part 3 in a series.  Click here or "Healing Your Kintsukuroi Heart" in the categories menu to go to the full series
Click here for Part 1
 Click here for Part 2

Taking Inventory
​
I started by looking at what wasn’t working in my life – aka – the symptoms – and working backward to find the underlying cause.  Here’s what I mean.  For me, the two biggest “problems” were my lack of money/resulting debt, and making poor relationship choices.  Then I asked myself why it was happening?  Why was I broke?  Why did I invite chaos and negativity into my life in the form of unhealthy relationships?
 
Because of the deep seated beliefs I held about myself.  If I really, deep down, thought I deserved better I would have required it.  This concept was easier to understand when it came to relationships but not so easy when it came to money.  On the surface I thought it was the economy or just my crappy luck.  Perhaps it was to a degree, but honestly, it was just more chaos and a manifestation – or symptom, if you prefer - of how I saw myself… as in “not enough”.  If I doubted my own worth how could I claim it? 
 
Ok, so I discovered and named the source.  I did that piece of the work for you and I’m happy to pass it along to give you the starting point.  Now, your job is to accept this truth, fine tune it to fit your specific situation(s), and make the commitment to put the plan into action and heal yourself.  It’s a large undertaking but entirely doable!
 
It bears repeating - How or why we originally acquired these feelings of low self-worth is irrelevant for now.  Because regardless of how they got there, here we are.  And now it’s up to us to fix it.
 
SO, IT REALLY IS ALL ABOUT US!  
And admitting that we are at the center of our issues. 
 
Doing this – acknowledging that how we view ourselves is the root of our issues - rather than blaming outward circumstances, or someone else – gives us the power to change.  If someone or something else is the cause of our issues than there’s nothing we can do to change anything.  Taking ownership means taking back our power.  This part is crucial.  You must own it. 
 
So now what?  Now we fix it.
 
THE FOUR-PRONGED PLAN OF INTENTION.

• You've named - and accepted - the source so the work of healing can begin – re-writing your deep-seated internal beliefs.
• You’ll clean up any messes you’ve made.
• You’ll reduce or eliminate what isn’t working in your life.
• You’ll introduce or expand what is working in your life.

 
Moving forward, as the healing takes hold, good choices and positive movement will become more and more intuitive and a self-perpetuating upward spiral takes hold.  Your thoughts, words and actions will be in service of your very best self and fulfilling your dreams.  It will become second-nature.
 
THE FOUR-PRONGED PLAN OF ACTION.
 
Note: I strongly suggest writing this out with physical pen and paper.  It connects you more deeply to the work.
 
Make a list of what isn’t working in your life. Start with the big things.  What are you doing that you need to stop doing?  Write it down.  Now, what aren’t you doing that you need to start?  Write it down.  You’ll apply these things to your personalized Four-Pronged Plan!  They will become the promise you make to yourself.  Your mission statement.  You can use pen and paper or purchase the workbook here.  
 
Rule Number One: 
 
MINE:
No relationships of any kind with men for one year.  None.  No dates, no flirting, no phone calls, not even hanging out platonically with male friends (because they also offered attention and externally fed my damaged ego).  It was absolute.  No relationships.  No men.  Period.  They were part of the problem and also a distraction and I could afford neither, so they were the first thing to go.  I was officially and completely off the market.
 
YOURS:
What will you let go of that isn’t serving your higher purpose?  What needs to go?  Are you over spending?  Talking smack about yourself and/or others?  People pleasing or tolerating unkindness? Smoking, overeating, or another self-destructive behavior?  Get very specific.  Break it down into segments. Use my example above as a template.  If it’s more than one thing, fill this part in more than once. 
 
Your Rule Number One Template: 
No (fill in the blank) of any kind for one year.  None.  No (fill in the blank), no (fill in the blank), no (fill in the blank), not even (fill in the blank) because (state your deep truth).  It is absolute.  No (fill in the blank).  No (fill in the blank).  Period.  This is part of the problem and also a distraction and I can afford neither, so they are/it is the first thing to go.  I am officially and completely (fill in the blank).
 
Rule Number Two: 
Focus inward and practice self-care.  I’d never really developed a true sense of self or figured out who I was as an individual.  You need to get to know yourself and to be autonomous.  You will also be kind to yourself, practice self-respect, maintain a healthy lifestyle, and there will be no more negative self-talk.  You will stop putting yourself down or calling yourself names.  Not even in jest.  Like the saying goes, if you don’t have anything nice to say, you will say nothing at all.  If you are going to change the way you feel about yourself, you must to treat yourself like you are important and worthy, and you must rewrite your internal dialogue.  We will have an upcoming, detailed posts specifically on self-care and discovering yourself as an individual!
 
Note: If you let something slip out, if you refer to yourself in a derogatory fashion, stop as soon as you realize it.  Look in the mirror if you can, but breathe and tell yourself this.: “I’m sorry.  That was unkind.  It’s simply not true.  I deserve much better.  Please forgive the mistake.  I will do better next time.  I am amazing.” Forgive yourself and breathe…
 
Rule Number Three: 
MINE:
Career.  Many years ago, in 1998 to be exact, I’d chosen a career in holistic wellness.  A field that I loved but, in practice, had never really enjoyed.  I would now allow myself to be fully focused on developing and nurturing my career, to let go of the parts I didn’t love and pursue and expand the parts I was passionate about, to continue my education and become an expert in my field, to know my own worth and to claim it.  Taking control of my debt also came under this heading.  It’s up to you to decide if cleaning up any messes you’ve made becomes part of rule number 1 or rule number 2.  We’ll address this further in upcoming posts/videos.
 
YOURS; Here's your template:
​What will you begin to create?  What steps will you take to live your dream, achieve your higher purpose.  What will you do every day to live in service of making it happen?   If it’s more than one thing, fill this part in more than once.
 

I will now allow myself to be fully focused on developing and nurturing my (fill in the blank), to create time and space to (state you deep desire) to (state your commitment to the process and how you will go about it and your ultimate goal), to own my right to pursue my dreams, know my own worth and to claim it.  
 
RULE NUMBER FOUR:
This will come a bit later.
 
That's it, simple but not necessarily easy.  If you are choosing to do the full program, the entire year will be devoted to helping yourself heal; mind, body, spirit and craft.  Yes, one year!  We are talking about very deep healing!  You can also choose to try it for as little as a weekend - or one month - thee months or six.  Or, you read the blog, watch the videos and put them into practice where, when and how you see fit.  But again, very deep, long lasting, life changing healing takes a long time.  I did it and it changed my life in ways I never dreamed of!
 
Take some time with this part – the next two weeks if you need it.  Get quiet, sit with yourself.  Do some real soul-searching.  These are true commitments you’re making to yourself.  You owe it to yourself.  It’s time.

Quote of the Day
"Acknowledging that how we view ourselves is the root of our issues - rather than blaming outward circumstances, or someone else – gives us the power to change. Taking ownership means taking back our power."
Amie Gabriel  

If you can relate to any, or all of these statements to any degree, I’ll see you here in the next installment.  Thursday, January 28th at 1 pm Pacific time.

Can you relate?  Are you considering participating in this program?  Please let us know what you think!  Comment below... I's love to hear your thoughts! xoAmie

Read Amie's Book:
​KINTSUKUROI HEART; More Beautiful for Having Been Broken
​Order on Kindle or in paperback by clicking on the Amazon Affiliate Book Link below!

Healing Your Kintsukuroi Heart; Part 2
LOW SELF ESTEEM IS A GATEWAY DRUG.
Taking Responsibility
 
This is part 2 in a series.  Click "Healing Your Kintsukuroi Heart" in the categories menu to go to the full series.
Click here for part 1 
 
Last week we identified that low self-esteem is the original “gateway drug” even if your challenges have nothing whatsoever to do with substance abuse. Click here to read the post.  I also said that, even if you don’t initially think it applies to you, I’d illustrate how it may - so stay with me. 
 
Today we’ll discuss how accepting this truth – that low self-esteem is source of our issues - can change this gateway drug into your gateway to healing.
 
LET’S EXPLORE SOME SCENARIOS:

• I over spent and I blew my budget.  And now I don’t have enough to pay rent.
• I am overwhelmed.  I don’t have enough time in my day to do half of the things I need to do!  But my friend asked me for a favor and I said yes.
• Instead of exercising and eating healthy just I sat on the couch.  I ate an entire bag of chips, half a package of cookies and submarine sandwich. 
• I’m busy!  I don’t have time to be nice.
• My best friend told me she wanted to go back to school.  And I told her what a stupid Idea I thought that was.  C’mon, at her age?
• I’m in a relationship with someone who verbally and emotionally abuses me. 
• Everything I own has to have a designer label on it where everyone can see it. 
• I went out with the girls for a drink last night.  YOLO!  I don’t even remember how or when I got home.
• I got into a relationship with a married man. 
• I slept with my girlfriend’s boyfriend.
• Every day I find a way to emasculate my husband.  It doesn’t matter if we’re alone or in public. 
• I blew the mortgage at the track.
• Who the hell does she think she is?  I gotta ask because...
• I screamed at someone in another car because they cut me off.  Then I gave them the finger and I told them where they could go. 
• You’re right, what do I know… I shouldn’t even try.
• I engaged in a battle with someone I don’t even know on Social Media. 
• I tell people exactly what I think, even if it hurts their feelings.  I’m honest like that.
• I spend hours, and hours, and hours on FB – watching a movie – shopping - cleaning the house - instead of pursuing my dreams. 

 
Do any of these statements – or a version of them – resonate with you?  Now read them again, but this time tack on the words “Because I feel so good about myself.” at the end.  For a clearer illustration you can watch the companion video by clicking here.
 
Now you get it, right?  It’s entirely contradictory.  Any type of behavior that doesn’t honor yourself or who you want to be, isn’t in service of your dream, or in pursuit of being or becoming the very best version of yourself, comes from a place of feeling “less than.”  People who truly feel good about themselves don’t think, speak, or behave in ways that are people pleasing, unhelpful, unkind, lack understanding or have a positive purpose – regardless of whether it’s directed inward or outward.  There’s no shame in feeling less than.  It just is.  And the sooner you can embrace that the sooner you can get on with doing something about making it better.
 
Note – don’t confuse an inflated ego with a healthy self-worth!  Ego is the opposite side of the same low-self esteem coin.  People who feel good about themselves don’t have to blow themselves up in an attempt to impress others.  A healthy self-esteem isn’t greater than or less than; It’s equal to.
 
SO, NOW WHAT?
 
I’ll tell you everything – step by step - in this series. Again - It’s free.   There’s nothing to buy to gain access to all of it.  If you’d really like you can read my book, Kintsukuroi Heart; More Beautiful For Having Been Broken, or order the companion workbook to this series, Healing Your Kintsukuroi Heart, both on Amazon, but you certainly don’t have to.  All you really need is occasional access to the internet and a pad and pen.  Oh, and a deep commitment to change… if only you could order that on Amazon!
 
HOW I AND WHY I CREATED THIS PROGRAM.
 
I had issues.  Big issues.  As I mentioned before, the specifics of how those issues presented themselves aren’t important right now.  I’ll talk more about them in a later video/blog.
 
Initially, I worked through my issues by taking the traditional route of therapy, medication*, self-help groups and talking with friends, which all worked and I still recommend.  But for me, they only worked for so long and only to a degree.  They were either too costly, didn’t go deep enough or they addressed the symptoms and not the root cause; I needed to dig down and truly change the way I looked at things and, most importantly, change how I viewed myself.  If I could do that, I knew my life would change. 

*Note - titrated off of my anti-depression medication with the permission and under the very close supervision of my doctor.  Never EVER replace the experience of another over the advice of your trusted health care professional!
 
Over the years I’d gathered inspiration through books and movies.  Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.  Gift from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh. Under the Tuscan Sun (the movie).  AYear by the Sea by Joan Anderson.  Educated by Tara Westover.  Wild by Cheryl Strayed.  Love Warrior by Glennon Doyle Menton.  The list goes on. (All linked below!)
 
However, most of the books and films in this genre, wonderful stories that I have deeply loved (I recommend them all and have linked* all the titles above and below), came from a place so unique that, although fabulously inspirational were, for me, mostly unrelatable or unactionable – the experiences of the very fortunate or wealthy, or situations so extreme that very few people find themselves – offering remedies that were simply out of my reach.  I wasn’t in a position to take time away at the beach or travel around the world to find myself, I had to work!  I didn’t have extra money or a scholarship to an Ivy League school.  I deeply admired those who did and longed to be in their shoes, but I simply wasn’t. There were times when I couldn’t even afford to buy those books or a ticket to the movies, I checked them out of the library.  But I read them.  I watched them.  They inspired me and gave me something to shoot for! 
 
So, being a determined and resourceful little bugger and having the professional training, I devised a way to do these extraordinary things – to embark on a life-altering journey of healing – without leaving home and with rather ordinary resources.  These “ordinary” circumstances are what often stops women from doing something extraordinary.  You are my people and I am here to inspire you! 
 
I put myself on an intense minimalistic, at home self-retreat.  Exactly what I would do if I paid thousands of dollars to go away on retreat or soul searching quest.  I committed to addressing my issues via holistic wellness, intentional physical exercise, and the mind/body/spirit connection.  I tried new things.  I practiced yoga and meditation, and began living with defined intention.  I unplugged and sought peace, quiet, and solitude.  These things are easily accessible and available to all of us for free or at very little cost.  In fact, once I went into this wholeheartedly – a time of concentrated self-discovery and minimalism - I actually saved a ton of money.  This realistic vantage point is one way in which I feel this program is different; it's wholly accessible and meets you at a place where many of us find ourselves when starting over.
 
I know it works because I created it, I’ve applied it, I’ve lived it, I’ve practiced it and afterwards, the really poor life choices I’d been allowing to enter my life on a daily basis became inconceivable to me.  Not because I focused on changing those choices but because I changed how I felt on the inside.  The positive choices I began making became a symptom of how I felt about myself just like the negative ones had been. I didn’t work on the symptoms –I addressed the root cause of the symptoms.   I healed the person who was making them.
 
To be clear, I had to clean up the mess of some of those choices and so will you.  Not to worry, I’ll help.  I’ll give you the tools and we’ll go over all of it, step by step.
 
Now is your time to work on acceptance.  To ready yourself to embark upon a journey of deep and lasting change and true transformation.  Next week, we start the transformation.

Quote of the Day:
"The positive choices I began making became a symptom of how I felt about myself just like the negative ones had been. I didn’t work on the symptoms –I addressed the root cause of the symptoms.  I healed the person who was making them."  
Amie Gabriel
​
If you can relate to any, or all of these statements to any degree, I’ll see you here in the next installment.  Thursday, January 21st at 1 pm Pacific time.

Can you relate?  Are you considering participating in this program?  Please let us know what you think!  Comment below... I's love to hear your thoughts! xoAmie

Scroll down for the YouTube Companion Video! 
​
Read Amie's Book:
​KINTSUKUROI HEART; More Beautiful for Having Been Broken
​Order on Kindle or in paperback by clicking on the Amazon Affiliate Book Link below!
​*As an Amazon Affiliate I earn from qualifying purchases

TAKING THE FIRST STEP.
 
Is there something – or several things – that are preventing you from being the very best version of yourself and achieving your goals? 
 
What if I told you that all your counterproductive thoughts, words, actions, beliefs – whether they’re directed toward yourself, toward others, or both – all trace back to just one thing?  One single source.  And if you can embrace that idea, and heal that one thing, you won’t even have to try to do better in the future because directing your energy toward anything other than the most positive aspects of your life becomes unthinkable.
 
In this blog post we will name that one thing and talk a bit about what it’s going to take to heal it.  In a series of upcoming weekly blog posts and companion videos, I’ll be going in-depth and guiding you through the steps toward healing. Regardless of whether you decide to fully immerse yourself into this program or just glean insight and advice for self-improvement from the weekly posts, it will cost you no money and there’s nothing to buy or sign up for – just read the posts, watch the videos and, of course, take action.
 
Sound interesting?  Keep reading!
 
But first... In case we haven’t met,  I’m Amie Gabriel, holistic wellness expert, author, and former train wreck.  This is my program and I originally developed it to heal my own life.  It worked and now I’m sharing it with you.
 
CUTTING TO THE CHASE
 
Negativity, poor choices, an unproductive or unhealthy lifestyle.
I’m talking about the things that prevent you from being the very best version of yourself and achieving your goals. Things within your control.  These diversions and roadblocks can appear in your life in a multitude of ways, varying greatly from one person to the next so, for now, the specifics – how they present themselves in your life - don’t matter.  They are the SYMPTOMS and we’ll get to them later.  What matters right now is getting their root cause.  Their source. The one thing that allows them to present themselves to begin with.   Because when you heal the source, the symptoms take care of themselves.  How do I know?  Because I lived through it and this is exactly what I did to heal. 
 
COULD THIS BE FOR YOU?  HERE ARE SOME QUESTIONS:
 
Is there something in your life that isn’t working?  Something you’d like to change?  Are you lacking joy or just not feeling as happy and fulfilled as you’d like?  Are you stuck in grief over the loss of a loved one, relationship or other life circumstance?  Are you making poor choices or feeling unempowered?  Are you depressed or maybe not in not in love with your job, your level of fitness or your reflection in the mirror?  Is fear keeping you from moving forward?  Is there a goal you’d like to achieve but just haven’t made it happen?  Maybe things aren’t so bad – maybe you’ve already overcome some obstacles - but you just know things could be better and you want more.  Maybe you’re like me when I began this journey – I didn’t particularly want to put forth the energy required to transform but nothing in my life was working and everything needed to change – or maybe you’re somewhere in the middle? 
 
If you answered yes to one or more of these questions, keep reading.
 
WHAT’S IT GOING TO TAKE TO CHANGE?
 
Regardless of where you find yourself on the spectrum of challenges, there are a few common denominators that foster change.

• You’ve got to want it or need it.
• You generally have to give something up to achieve it.
• You’ve generally got to do something differently or new to achieve it.
• Number 1 generally dictates how far you’re willing to go on numbers 2 and 3.

 
Are you ready to embark on a life-altering journey of healing – without a ton of money and without leaving home?  Or maybe just find out more about it?   I have done it and, in this series - all at no cost – I will show you how.
 
WHAT I DID TO HEAL.
 
I healed by putting myself on an in-depth, at home, self-retreat - while working full-time - and I’ll share with you how you can, too.  Let me tell you up front, it isn’t quick or easy – a true commitment to lasting change on a very deep level rarely is - but it’s simple, entirely doable, costs little or no money, and is SO worth it. 
 
LET’S GET RIGHT TO THE SOURCE. 
And once we do, even if you don’t initially think it applies to you, stay with me – I’ll illustrate how it may.
 
So, what is the one thing that became damaged in your past that spawned – and allowed – any and all the negative behavior that followed?  Three words; Low Self Esteem. Low self-esteem is the original gateway drug.  No matter what your drug of choice is… even if your drug or choice has nothing whatsoever to do with drugs, it’s a catch-all phrase.  "Drug of choice" just means the manner in which negativity presents itself in your life.  And if low self-esteem is the gateway drug for counterproductivity to take root, then a healthy self-esteem – true self-worth - is the immunity.   In the next post/video Low Self Esteem is a Gateway Drug I will illustrate how low self-esteem is the original chink in the armor, regardless of how it presents itself or effects your life or to what degree; even if you think your self-esteem is just fine.
 
In the meantime, here’s the short version.
 
I promised myself I wouldn’t do that again… but I did.
I promised that this time I’d get it done.  But I didn’t
I know better, but…
 
If you can relate to any, or all of these statements to any degree, I’ll see you here in the next installment.  Thursday, January 14th at 1 pm Pacific time.

Can you relate?  Are you considering participating in this program?  Please let us know what you think!  Comment below... I's love to hear your thoughts! xoAmie

Quote of the Day
"When you heal the source, the symptoms take care of themselves."
Amie Gabriel

​Watch the Companion Video Below!

Read Amie's Book:
​KINTSUKUROI HEART; More Beautiful for Having Been Broken
​Order on Kindle or in paperback by clicking on the Amazon Affiliate Book Link below!

Check out the video for three big announcements for the New Year!  Let me know what you think in the comments!  xoAmie

Order Amie's book. KINTSUKUROI HEART on Kindle or in paperback by clicking on the Amazon Affiliate Book Link below!

​Thank you so much, xoAmie

​Different ages.  Different decades.  Different circumstances.  There are specific events in our lives that shift our paths, write our stories and break our hearts, adding layers, depth and complexity to the clean-slated girls we once were.  
 
Each chapter in Part I of Kintsukuroi Heart is a non-fiction stand-alone story.  A collection of vignettes offering glimpses of the exact moment in a woman’s life when something happens, either by choice or circumstance, that changes her course.
 
In Part II we see how these experiences, though deeply personal and unique, are the threads that intertwine and connect us all, fostering compassion and empathy for one another and, hopefully, for ourselves. 
 
In Part III we see how, as women, like all forces of nature and works of art, our beauty is formed through refraction, revealed in dimension and contrast, shadow and light, our benevolence becoming both the result and the salve, the subject and lens.  The road may be beastly but the result, if allowed, can be spectacular.

​“Kintsukuroi: kin-tsU-kU-roi (noun) (v. phr.)  ‘To repair with gold.’ The Japanese art of mending broken pottery with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum.  As a philosophy, it treats breakage and repair as part of the history of an object rather than something to disguise, understanding that the piece becomes more beautiful for having been broken.”

“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.”  ~Maya Angelou~ 

Next week's post, Chapter One; Waiting Room on Thursday, December 10th at 10 am Eastern, 1: pm Pacific time

Want to read more now?  I can't wait to share this book with you!
Order on Kindle or in paperback by clicking on the Amazon Affiliate Book Link below!

​Thank you so much, xoAmie

“The order or disorder of my surroundings is directly proportionate to my state of mind.  Visual and physical clutter is the external manifestation of my internal clutter.”  
 
One of the greatest gifts I’ve ever given myself was tidying up and organizing my home.  No matter where I lived it seemed there was never a sense of order which, for me, meant no sense of peace or calm. 

Initially, it was the entire place.  It was a mess.  It isolated me and I never opened my home to family or friends because I was ashamed. God forbid someone showed up unannounced “Sorry about the mess!  I’m right in the middle of purging and reorganizing the whole place!” I’d smile and lie while cringing inside.  Even when I finally managed to straighten the common areas, there was always a section, a room, that was jam packed with junk, boxes never unpacked, clothes; cupboards and closets that oozed forth their jumbled contents whenever I dared open the door. It was stressful, and because I couldn’t lay my hands on anything, a massive time thief.

Long before I'd ever heard of "Sparking Joy", I made the decision to face the overwhelming task and address it once and for all. There is a lot of emotional energy tangled up in that mess and to move it is to unleash it.  Doing so was greatly upsetting and often made me feel sick to my stomach.   I knew it was going to take several weeks or more to tackle it all but it had to be done.

I’d pick a day, shore myself up mentally, open the windows wide, and attack.  I did it piece by piece, section by section, room by room.  I made piles: trash, donate, sell, keep. Once I lay my hands on something, I would only allow myself to set it down in one of the four piles.  If I didn’t love it or truly need it I let it go (this often required some seriously tough self-love: “C’mon, Amie, just face it.  You are never, EVER going to use that pasta maker.”) And there was no room for excuses: “But this belonged to so and so” or “Whosiwhatsis gave it to me!”  I was no longer in the business of being an emotional storage unit.  For clothing, it had to meet all three of the following criteria: it had to “flatter the wearer”; aka make me look and feel like a million bucks, be age appropriate (just because I can doesn’t mean I ought to!) and have no tears, stains, or wear, otherwise it was gone.

When I was done sorting, the items I wanted to sell went on Craig’s List that same day and the garbage and giveaways were taken out of the house immediately.  The trash went to the curb or straight to the dump and all donations went directly to the car to be dropped that day or as soon as the place was open.   I had one hard rule: once it was out of the house it didn’t come back. 

Then, I’d clean the area top to bottom.  The more I had gotten rid of the easier it was to put away and organize what was left.

It was a huge job but once it was done, I felt amazing.  For days afterward, I would keep going back to the newly cleaned area to gaze upon and admire my work.  I started keeping my car clean, too. How different this all made me feel!!  Oprah Winfrey (or maybe it was Nate Burkus on the Oprah Show?) once said “Your home should rise up to meet you.”  This is so true!  Few things feel better to me than waking up or coming home to a tidy space.  It shows respect for my belongings, my home, and myself. 

​xoAmie

How do you feel about keeping you home in order?  Have you done it? Do you hope to?    Or do you like your crap just the way it is, thank you very much! 

Please comment below.  I'd love to hear your thoughts and experience!  Maybe you have a source of inspiration you'd like to share? 

Recommended Inspiration:

Marie Kondo has Sparked me some serious Joy!!  https://konmari.com/
Six words: Nate Burkus, Oprah Winfrey, 'Nuff Said: http://www.oprah.com/home/take-nate-berkus-home-with-you_1

​No one can hold you prisoner for the mistakes of your past without guarding the gate and keeping track of the key.  The inmate and the warden are trapped in the jail together.
​
If there are people in your life that refuse to support or recognize your growth, it may be time to let them go, or at least keep them at arm’s length.  Their inability to move on isn’t about you it’s about them.  They cannot recognize in others what they are unable to accomplish themselves.  If they are determined to try and shame you, it is due to their own shame.  If they keep bringing up your past, it is because that is where they live. People who feel good about themselves don’t try to make others feel bad.  The trap, however, only exists in their mind.  Wish them well and leave them to it.  To free yourself, you only need to walk away.

xoAmie

HEALING YOUR KINTSUKUROI HEART; Part 2
This is part 2 in a series. 
Click here for part 1
 
Last week we identified that low self-esteem is the original “gateway drug” even if your challenges have nothing whatsoever to do with substance abuse. Click here to read the post.  I also said that, even if you don’t initially think it applies to you, I’d illustrate how it may - so stay with me. 
 
Today we’ll discuss how accepting this truth – that low self-esteem is source of our issues - can change this gateway drug into your gateway to healing.
 
LET’S EXPLORE SOME SCENARIOS:

• I over spent and I blew my budget.  And now I don’t have enough to pay rent.
• I am overwhelmed.  I don’t have enough time in my day to do half of the things I need to do!  But my friend asked me for a favor and I said yes.
• Instead of exercising and eating healthy just I sat on the couch.  I ate an entire bag of chips, half a package of cookies and submarine sandwich. 
• I’m busy!  I don’t have time to be nice.
• My best friend told me she wanted to go back to school.  And I told her what a stupid Idea I thought that was.  C’mon, at her age?
• I’m in a relationship with someone who verbally and emotionally abuses me. 
• Everything I own has to have a designer label on it where everyone can see it. 
• I went out with the girls for a drink last night.  YOLO!  I don’t even remember how or when I got home.
• I got into a relationship with a married man. 
• I slept with my girlfriend’s boyfriend.
• Every day I find a way to emasculate my husband.  It doesn’t matter if we’re alone or in public. 
• I blew the mortgage at the track.
• Who the hell does she think she is?  I gotta ask because...
• I screamed at someone in another car because they cut me off.  Then I gave them the finger and I told them where they could go. 
• You’re right, what do I know… I shouldn’t even try to do that.
• I engaged in a battle with someone I don’t even know on Social Media. 
• I tell people exactly what I think, even if it hurts their feelings.  I’m honest like that.
• I spend hours, and hours, and hours on FB – watching a movie – shopping - cleaning the house - instead of pursuing my dreams. 

 
Do any of these statements – or a version of them – resonate with you?  If so, read the one(s) that do(es) again, but this time tack on the words “Because I feel so good about myself.” at the end.  For a clearer illustration you can watch the companion video here.
 
Now you get it, right?  It’s contradictory.  Any type of behavior that doesn’t honor yourself or who you want to be, isn’t in service of your dream – or in pursuit of being or becoming the very best version of yourself, comes from a place of feeling “less than.”  People who truly feel good about themselves don’t think, speak, or behave in ways that are people pleasing, unhelpful, unkind, lack understanding or have a positive purpose – regardless of whether it’s directed inward or outward.  There’s no shame in feeling less than.  It just is.  And the sooner you can embrace that the sooner you can get on with doing something about making it better.
 
Note – don’t confuse an inflated ego with a healthy self-worth!  Ego is the opposite side of the same low-self esteem coin.  People who feel good about themselves don’t have to blow themselves up in an attempt to impress others.  A healthy self-esteem isn’t greater than or less than; It’s equal to.
 
SO, NOW WHAT?
 
I’ll tell you everything – step by step - in this series. Again - It’s free.   There’s nothing to buy to gain access to all of it.  If you’d really like you can read my book, Kintsukuroi Heart; More Beautiful For Having Been Broken, or order the companion workbook to this series, both on Amazon, but you certainly don’t have to.  All you really need is occasional access to the internet and a pad and pen – real or virtual.  Oh, and a deep commitment to change… if only you could order that on Amazon!
 
HOW I AND WHY I CREATED THIS PROGRAM.
 
I had issues.  Big issues.  As I mentioned before, the specifics of how those issues presented themselves aren’t important right now.  I’ll talk more about them in a later video/blog.
 
Initially, I worked through my issues by taking the traditional route of therapy, self-help groups and talking with friends, which all worked and I still recommend.  But for me, they only worked for so long and only to a degree.  They were either too costly, didn’t go deep enough or they addressed the symptoms and not the root cause; I needed to dig down and truly change the way I looked at things and, most importantly, change how I viewed myself.  If I could do that, I knew my life would change. 
 
Over the years I’d gathered inspiration through books and movies.  Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.  Gifts from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh. Under the Tuscan Sun (the movie).  A Year by the Sea by Joan Anderson.  Educated by Tara Westover.  Wild by Cheryl Strayed.  Love Warrior by Glennon Doyle Menton.  The list goes on.
 
However, most of the books and films in this genre, wonderful stories that I have deeply loved (I recommend them all and have linked them below), came from a place so unique that, although fabulously inspirational, were for me, mostly unrelatable or unactionable – the experiences of the very fortunate or wealthy, or situations so extreme that very few people find themselves – offering remedies that were simply out of my reach.  I wasn’t in a position to take time away at the beach or travel around the world to find myself, I had to work!  I didn’t have extra money or a scholarship to an Ivy League school.  I deeply admired those who did and longed to be in their shoes, but I simply wasn’t. There were times when I couldn’t even afford to buy those books or a ticket to the movies, I checked them out of the library.  But I read them.  I watched them.  They inspired me and gave me something to shoot for! 
 
So, being a determined and resourceful little bugger and having the professional training, I devised a way to do these extraordinary things – to embark on a life-altering journey of healing – without leaving home and with rather ordinary resources.  These “ordinary” circumstances are what often stops women from doing something extraordinary.  You are my people and I am here to inspire you! 
 
I put myself on an intense minimalistic, at home self-retreat.  Exactly what I would do if I paid thousands of dollars to go away on retreat.  I committed to addressing my issues via holistic wellness, intentional physical exercise, and the mind/body/spirit connection.  I practiced yoga and meditation, and began living with defined intention.  I unplugged and sought peace, quiet, and solitude.  These things are easily accessible and available to all of us for free or at very little cost.  In fact, once I went into this wholeheartedly – a time of concentrated self-discovery and minimalism - I actually saved a ton of money.  This realistic vantage point is one way in which I feel this program is different; it wholly accessible and meets you at a place where many of us find ourselves when starting over.
 
 
I know it works because I created it, I’ve applied it, I’ve lived it, I’ve practiced it and afterwards, the really poor life choices I’d been allowing to enter my life on a daily basis became inconceivable to me.  Not because I focused on changing those choices but because I changed how I felt on the inside.  I healed the person who was making them.  The positive choices I began making became a symptom of how I felt about myself just like the negative ones had been. I didn’t work on the symptoms –I addressed the root cause of the symptoms.
 
To be clear, I had to clean up the results of some of those choices and so will you.  Not to worry, I’ll help.  I’ll give you the tools and we’ll go over all of it, step by step.
 
Now is your time to work on acceptance.  To ready yourself to embark upon a journey of deep and lasting change and true transformation.  Next week, we start the transformation.

"A healthy self-esteem isn’t greater than or less than; It’s equal to."
Amie Gabriel