​CHANGING SELF PERCEPTION
Taking Action

This is part 4 in a series.  Click "Healing Your Kintsukuroi Heart" in the categories menu to go to the full series

To change what’s happening on the outside you must change what’s happening on the inside.

This post is going to be short and sweet - because it's really important!
 
Pulling the Plug - How Far Are You Willing To Go?
 
There’s a saying “You gotta want it.” It’s true.  If you don’t want it bad enough it’s not going to happen.  You have to fully commit to the process or there will always be an excuse.  There seems to be a switch I can flip in my head that allows me to go full speed ahead toward whatever the goal once I’ve fully committed to the process.  For me, it’s reward based so I have to clearly choose which reward I want, fully invest in it and make whatever sacrifices are necessary, without looking back.  You have to give something to get something, right?  If I can do it so can you.  Here’s an example. How committed are you to not touching a hot stove?  Pretty committed, right?  There is no positive outcome to touching a scalding hot surface and the reward for not doing it is not getting burned.  A clear choice and outcome.  Now, clearly the dynamic shifts when you have a choice between two things that you want.  Especially if the choice lies between instant gratification and delayed gratification.  Say, dropping 10 pounds for your health or eating your favorite unhealthy food that’s sitting in front of you.  Not so clear now, is it? 
 
How to commit to the outcome.
 
My Jersey Barrier Analogy:  Are you familiar with Jersey Barriers?  They’re those segments of cement wall that are sometimes put to the side of the freeway or highway, often when there’s construction.  They can be a little scary to drive next to when they’re placed right at the edge of the lane with what appears to be virtually no shoulder. If you’re driving along with your attention on not hitting them and giving them the side eye, it can really freak you out!  But there’s a trick to driving next to them with far less difficulty.  You have to ignore them!  If you keep your eyes down the road where you’re going, centering yourself in the lane, they fall away from view.  Just look where you’re going as opposed to where you don’t want to go.  Try it next time you encounter them.  You’re welcome.
 
So, speaking of looking where you’re going, you can see where I’m going with this, right?  You have to fully commit to the destination and keep your eyes on your intended outcome.  You must wholeheartedly choose.  If you’re still seeing the obstacles – or the temptations - you’re not focused on the true reward.  How do I know?  Jersey barriers.  You can’t look in two places at the same time.
 
Priorities
 
Say you’re overspending, swimming in debt, stressed out all the time and you’re really sick of it.  You want to get out of debt, do it as quickly as possible and set yourself up for a long-term savings plan so you never have to feel this way again (we’ll go over exactly how to do this in another session.)  But wait!  You see this super cute dress that you just have to have! 
 
Seriously?  If your house was on fire do you get out and call 911 or decide you’d like to stop first and toast a marshmallow?  Buying that dress, or anything else that isn’t life sustaining should seem as ridiculous to you as making s’mores at a house fire. That’s setting priorities.
 
Once you become wholly invested in your chosen outcome the distractions will fall away from view and disappear.  If they don’t, you’re not fully committed.  It’s truly that simple. 

Quote of the Day
"To change what’s happening on the outside you must change what’s happening on the inside."
​
If you can relate to any, or all of these statements to any degree, I’ll see you here in the next installment.  Thursday, February 4th at 1 pm Pacific time.

Can you relate?  Are you considering participating in this program?  Please let me know what you think!  Comment below... I'd love to hear your thoughts! xoAmie

Read Amie's Book:
​KINTSUKUROI HEART; More Beautiful for Having Been Broken
​Order on Kindle or in paperback by clicking on the Amazon Affiliate Book Link below!

WHERE TO BEGIN
 
This is part 3 in a series.  Click here or "Healing Your Kintsukuroi Heart" in the categories menu to go to the full series
Click here for Part 1
 Click here for Part 2

Taking Inventory
​
I started by looking at what wasn’t working in my life – aka – the symptoms – and working backward to find the underlying cause.  Here’s what I mean.  For me, the two biggest “problems” were my lack of money/resulting debt, and making poor relationship choices.  Then I asked myself why it was happening?  Why was I broke?  Why did I invite chaos and negativity into my life in the form of unhealthy relationships?
 
Because of the deep seated beliefs I held about myself.  If I really, deep down, thought I deserved better I would have required it.  This concept was easier to understand when it came to relationships but not so easy when it came to money.  On the surface I thought it was the economy or just my crappy luck.  Perhaps it was to a degree, but honestly, it was just more chaos and a manifestation – or symptom, if you prefer - of how I saw myself… as in “not enough”.  If I doubted my own worth how could I claim it? 
 
Ok, so I discovered and named the source.  I did that piece of the work for you and I’m happy to pass it along to give you the starting point.  Now, your job is to accept this truth, fine tune it to fit your specific situation(s), and make the commitment to put the plan into action and heal yourself.  It’s a large undertaking but entirely doable!
 
It bears repeating - How or why we originally acquired these feelings of low self-worth is irrelevant for now.  Because regardless of how they got there, here we are.  And now it’s up to us to fix it.
 
SO, IT REALLY IS ALL ABOUT US!  
And admitting that we are at the center of our issues. 
 
Doing this – acknowledging that how we view ourselves is the root of our issues - rather than blaming outward circumstances, or someone else – gives us the power to change.  If someone or something else is the cause of our issues than there’s nothing we can do to change anything.  Taking ownership means taking back our power.  This part is crucial.  You must own it. 
 
So now what?  Now we fix it.
 
THE FOUR-PRONGED PLAN OF INTENTION.

• You've named - and accepted - the source so the work of healing can begin – re-writing your deep-seated internal beliefs.
• You’ll clean up any messes you’ve made.
• You’ll reduce or eliminate what isn’t working in your life.
• You’ll introduce or expand what is working in your life.

 
Moving forward, as the healing takes hold, good choices and positive movement will become more and more intuitive and a self-perpetuating upward spiral takes hold.  Your thoughts, words and actions will be in service of your very best self and fulfilling your dreams.  It will become second-nature.
 
THE FOUR-PRONGED PLAN OF ACTION.
 
Note: I strongly suggest writing this out with physical pen and paper.  It connects you more deeply to the work.
 
Make a list of what isn’t working in your life. Start with the big things.  What are you doing that you need to stop doing?  Write it down.  Now, what aren’t you doing that you need to start?  Write it down.  You’ll apply these things to your personalized Four-Pronged Plan!  They will become the promise you make to yourself.  Your mission statement.  You can use pen and paper or purchase the workbook here.  
 
Rule Number One: 
 
MINE:
No relationships of any kind with men for one year.  None.  No dates, no flirting, no phone calls, not even hanging out platonically with male friends (because they also offered attention and externally fed my damaged ego).  It was absolute.  No relationships.  No men.  Period.  They were part of the problem and also a distraction and I could afford neither, so they were the first thing to go.  I was officially and completely off the market.
 
YOURS:
What will you let go of that isn’t serving your higher purpose?  What needs to go?  Are you over spending?  Talking smack about yourself and/or others?  People pleasing or tolerating unkindness? Smoking, overeating, or another self-destructive behavior?  Get very specific.  Break it down into segments. Use my example above as a template.  If it’s more than one thing, fill this part in more than once. 
 
Your Rule Number One Template: 
No (fill in the blank) of any kind for one year.  None.  No (fill in the blank), no (fill in the blank), no (fill in the blank), not even (fill in the blank) because (state your deep truth).  It is absolute.  No (fill in the blank).  No (fill in the blank).  Period.  This is part of the problem and also a distraction and I can afford neither, so they are/it is the first thing to go.  I am officially and completely (fill in the blank).
 
Rule Number Two: 
Focus inward and practice self-care.  I’d never really developed a true sense of self or figured out who I was as an individual.  You need to get to know yourself and to be autonomous.  You will also be kind to yourself, practice self-respect, maintain a healthy lifestyle, and there will be no more negative self-talk.  You will stop putting yourself down or calling yourself names.  Not even in jest.  Like the saying goes, if you don’t have anything nice to say, you will say nothing at all.  If you are going to change the way you feel about yourself, you must to treat yourself like you are important and worthy, and you must rewrite your internal dialogue.  We will have an upcoming, detailed posts specifically on self-care and discovering yourself as an individual!
 
Note: If you let something slip out, if you refer to yourself in a derogatory fashion, stop as soon as you realize it.  Look in the mirror if you can, but breathe and tell yourself this.: “I’m sorry.  That was unkind.  It’s simply not true.  I deserve much better.  Please forgive the mistake.  I will do better next time.  I am amazing.” Forgive yourself and breathe…
 
Rule Number Three: 
MINE:
Career.  Many years ago, in 1998 to be exact, I’d chosen a career in holistic wellness.  A field that I loved but, in practice, had never really enjoyed.  I would now allow myself to be fully focused on developing and nurturing my career, to let go of the parts I didn’t love and pursue and expand the parts I was passionate about, to continue my education and become an expert in my field, to know my own worth and to claim it.  Taking control of my debt also came under this heading.  It’s up to you to decide if cleaning up any messes you’ve made becomes part of rule number 1 or rule number 2.  We’ll address this further in upcoming posts/videos.
 
YOURS; Here's your template:
​What will you begin to create?  What steps will you take to live your dream, achieve your higher purpose.  What will you do every day to live in service of making it happen?   If it’s more than one thing, fill this part in more than once.
 

I will now allow myself to be fully focused on developing and nurturing my (fill in the blank), to create time and space to (state you deep desire) to (state your commitment to the process and how you will go about it and your ultimate goal), to own my right to pursue my dreams, know my own worth and to claim it.  
 
RULE NUMBER FOUR:
This will come a bit later.
 
That's it, simple but not necessarily easy.  If you are choosing to do the full program, the entire year will be devoted to helping yourself heal; mind, body, spirit and craft.  Yes, one year!  We are talking about very deep healing!  You can also choose to try it for as little as a weekend - or one month - thee months or six.  Or, you read the blog, watch the videos and put them into practice where, when and how you see fit.  But again, very deep, long lasting, life changing healing takes a long time.  I did it and it changed my life in ways I never dreamed of!
 
Take some time with this part – the next two weeks if you need it.  Get quiet, sit with yourself.  Do some real soul-searching.  These are true commitments you’re making to yourself.  You owe it to yourself.  It’s time.

Quote of the Day
"Acknowledging that how we view ourselves is the root of our issues - rather than blaming outward circumstances, or someone else – gives us the power to change. Taking ownership means taking back our power."
Amie Gabriel  

If you can relate to any, or all of these statements to any degree, I’ll see you here in the next installment.  Thursday, January 28th at 1 pm Pacific time.

Can you relate?  Are you considering participating in this program?  Please let us know what you think!  Comment below... I's love to hear your thoughts! xoAmie

Read Amie's Book:
​KINTSUKUROI HEART; More Beautiful for Having Been Broken
​Order on Kindle or in paperback by clicking on the Amazon Affiliate Book Link below!

Healing Your Kintsukuroi Heart; Part 2
LOW SELF ESTEEM IS A GATEWAY DRUG.
Taking Responsibility
 
This is part 2 in a series.  Click "Healing Your Kintsukuroi Heart" in the categories menu to go to the full series.
Click here for part 1 
 
Last week we identified that low self-esteem is the original “gateway drug” even if your challenges have nothing whatsoever to do with substance abuse. Click here to read the post.  I also said that, even if you don’t initially think it applies to you, I’d illustrate how it may - so stay with me. 
 
Today we’ll discuss how accepting this truth – that low self-esteem is source of our issues - can change this gateway drug into your gateway to healing.
 
LET’S EXPLORE SOME SCENARIOS:

• I over spent and I blew my budget.  And now I don’t have enough to pay rent.
• I am overwhelmed.  I don’t have enough time in my day to do half of the things I need to do!  But my friend asked me for a favor and I said yes.
• Instead of exercising and eating healthy just I sat on the couch.  I ate an entire bag of chips, half a package of cookies and submarine sandwich. 
• I’m busy!  I don’t have time to be nice.
• My best friend told me she wanted to go back to school.  And I told her what a stupid Idea I thought that was.  C’mon, at her age?
• I’m in a relationship with someone who verbally and emotionally abuses me. 
• Everything I own has to have a designer label on it where everyone can see it. 
• I went out with the girls for a drink last night.  YOLO!  I don’t even remember how or when I got home.
• I got into a relationship with a married man. 
• I slept with my girlfriend’s boyfriend.
• Every day I find a way to emasculate my husband.  It doesn’t matter if we’re alone or in public. 
• I blew the mortgage at the track.
• Who the hell does she think she is?  I gotta ask because...
• I screamed at someone in another car because they cut me off.  Then I gave them the finger and I told them where they could go. 
• You’re right, what do I know… I shouldn’t even try.
• I engaged in a battle with someone I don’t even know on Social Media. 
• I tell people exactly what I think, even if it hurts their feelings.  I’m honest like that.
• I spend hours, and hours, and hours on FB – watching a movie – shopping - cleaning the house - instead of pursuing my dreams. 

 
Do any of these statements – or a version of them – resonate with you?  Now read them again, but this time tack on the words “Because I feel so good about myself.” at the end.  For a clearer illustration you can watch the companion video by clicking here.
 
Now you get it, right?  It’s entirely contradictory.  Any type of behavior that doesn’t honor yourself or who you want to be, isn’t in service of your dream, or in pursuit of being or becoming the very best version of yourself, comes from a place of feeling “less than.”  People who truly feel good about themselves don’t think, speak, or behave in ways that are people pleasing, unhelpful, unkind, lack understanding or have a positive purpose – regardless of whether it’s directed inward or outward.  There’s no shame in feeling less than.  It just is.  And the sooner you can embrace that the sooner you can get on with doing something about making it better.
 
Note – don’t confuse an inflated ego with a healthy self-worth!  Ego is the opposite side of the same low-self esteem coin.  People who feel good about themselves don’t have to blow themselves up in an attempt to impress others.  A healthy self-esteem isn’t greater than or less than; It’s equal to.
 
SO, NOW WHAT?
 
I’ll tell you everything – step by step - in this series. Again - It’s free.   There’s nothing to buy to gain access to all of it.  If you’d really like you can read my book, Kintsukuroi Heart; More Beautiful For Having Been Broken, or order the companion workbook to this series, Healing Your Kintsukuroi Heart, both on Amazon, but you certainly don’t have to.  All you really need is occasional access to the internet and a pad and pen.  Oh, and a deep commitment to change… if only you could order that on Amazon!
 
HOW I AND WHY I CREATED THIS PROGRAM.
 
I had issues.  Big issues.  As I mentioned before, the specifics of how those issues presented themselves aren’t important right now.  I’ll talk more about them in a later video/blog.
 
Initially, I worked through my issues by taking the traditional route of therapy, medication*, self-help groups and talking with friends, which all worked and I still recommend.  But for me, they only worked for so long and only to a degree.  They were either too costly, didn’t go deep enough or they addressed the symptoms and not the root cause; I needed to dig down and truly change the way I looked at things and, most importantly, change how I viewed myself.  If I could do that, I knew my life would change. 

*Note - titrated off of my anti-depression medication with the permission and under the very close supervision of my doctor.  Never EVER replace the experience of another over the advice of your trusted health care professional!
 
Over the years I’d gathered inspiration through books and movies.  Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.  Gift from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh. Under the Tuscan Sun (the movie).  AYear by the Sea by Joan Anderson.  Educated by Tara Westover.  Wild by Cheryl Strayed.  Love Warrior by Glennon Doyle Menton.  The list goes on. (All linked below!)
 
However, most of the books and films in this genre, wonderful stories that I have deeply loved (I recommend them all and have linked* all the titles above and below), came from a place so unique that, although fabulously inspirational were, for me, mostly unrelatable or unactionable – the experiences of the very fortunate or wealthy, or situations so extreme that very few people find themselves – offering remedies that were simply out of my reach.  I wasn’t in a position to take time away at the beach or travel around the world to find myself, I had to work!  I didn’t have extra money or a scholarship to an Ivy League school.  I deeply admired those who did and longed to be in their shoes, but I simply wasn’t. There were times when I couldn’t even afford to buy those books or a ticket to the movies, I checked them out of the library.  But I read them.  I watched them.  They inspired me and gave me something to shoot for! 
 
So, being a determined and resourceful little bugger and having the professional training, I devised a way to do these extraordinary things – to embark on a life-altering journey of healing – without leaving home and with rather ordinary resources.  These “ordinary” circumstances are what often stops women from doing something extraordinary.  You are my people and I am here to inspire you! 
 
I put myself on an intense minimalistic, at home self-retreat.  Exactly what I would do if I paid thousands of dollars to go away on retreat or soul searching quest.  I committed to addressing my issues via holistic wellness, intentional physical exercise, and the mind/body/spirit connection.  I tried new things.  I practiced yoga and meditation, and began living with defined intention.  I unplugged and sought peace, quiet, and solitude.  These things are easily accessible and available to all of us for free or at very little cost.  In fact, once I went into this wholeheartedly – a time of concentrated self-discovery and minimalism - I actually saved a ton of money.  This realistic vantage point is one way in which I feel this program is different; it's wholly accessible and meets you at a place where many of us find ourselves when starting over.
 
I know it works because I created it, I’ve applied it, I’ve lived it, I’ve practiced it and afterwards, the really poor life choices I’d been allowing to enter my life on a daily basis became inconceivable to me.  Not because I focused on changing those choices but because I changed how I felt on the inside.  The positive choices I began making became a symptom of how I felt about myself just like the negative ones had been. I didn’t work on the symptoms –I addressed the root cause of the symptoms.   I healed the person who was making them.
 
To be clear, I had to clean up the mess of some of those choices and so will you.  Not to worry, I’ll help.  I’ll give you the tools and we’ll go over all of it, step by step.
 
Now is your time to work on acceptance.  To ready yourself to embark upon a journey of deep and lasting change and true transformation.  Next week, we start the transformation.

Quote of the Day:
"The positive choices I began making became a symptom of how I felt about myself just like the negative ones had been. I didn’t work on the symptoms –I addressed the root cause of the symptoms.  I healed the person who was making them."  
Amie Gabriel
​
If you can relate to any, or all of these statements to any degree, I’ll see you here in the next installment.  Thursday, January 21st at 1 pm Pacific time.

Can you relate?  Are you considering participating in this program?  Please let us know what you think!  Comment below... I's love to hear your thoughts! xoAmie

Scroll down for the YouTube Companion Video! 
​
Read Amie's Book:
​KINTSUKUROI HEART; More Beautiful for Having Been Broken
​Order on Kindle or in paperback by clicking on the Amazon Affiliate Book Link below!
​*As an Amazon Affiliate I earn from qualifying purchases

TAKING THE FIRST STEP.
 
Is there something – or several things – that are preventing you from being the very best version of yourself and achieving your goals? 
 
What if I told you that all your counterproductive thoughts, words, actions, beliefs – whether they’re directed toward yourself, toward others, or both – all trace back to just one thing?  One single source.  And if you can embrace that idea, and heal that one thing, you won’t even have to try to do better in the future because directing your energy toward anything other than the most positive aspects of your life becomes unthinkable.
 
In this blog post we will name that one thing and talk a bit about what it’s going to take to heal it.  In a series of upcoming weekly blog posts and companion videos, I’ll be going in-depth and guiding you through the steps toward healing. Regardless of whether you decide to fully immerse yourself into this program or just glean insight and advice for self-improvement from the weekly posts, it will cost you no money and there’s nothing to buy or sign up for – just read the posts, watch the videos and, of course, take action.
 
Sound interesting?  Keep reading!
 
But first... In case we haven’t met,  I’m Amie Gabriel, holistic wellness expert, author, and former train wreck.  This is my program and I originally developed it to heal my own life.  It worked and now I’m sharing it with you.
 
CUTTING TO THE CHASE
 
Negativity, poor choices, an unproductive or unhealthy lifestyle.
I’m talking about the things that prevent you from being the very best version of yourself and achieving your goals. Things within your control.  These diversions and roadblocks can appear in your life in a multitude of ways, varying greatly from one person to the next so, for now, the specifics – how they present themselves in your life - don’t matter.  They are the SYMPTOMS and we’ll get to them later.  What matters right now is getting their root cause.  Their source. The one thing that allows them to present themselves to begin with.   Because when you heal the source, the symptoms take care of themselves.  How do I know?  Because I lived through it and this is exactly what I did to heal. 
 
COULD THIS BE FOR YOU?  HERE ARE SOME QUESTIONS:
 
Is there something in your life that isn’t working?  Something you’d like to change?  Are you lacking joy or just not feeling as happy and fulfilled as you’d like?  Are you stuck in grief over the loss of a loved one, relationship or other life circumstance?  Are you making poor choices or feeling unempowered?  Are you depressed or maybe not in not in love with your job, your level of fitness or your reflection in the mirror?  Is fear keeping you from moving forward?  Is there a goal you’d like to achieve but just haven’t made it happen?  Maybe things aren’t so bad – maybe you’ve already overcome some obstacles - but you just know things could be better and you want more.  Maybe you’re like me when I began this journey – I didn’t particularly want to put forth the energy required to transform but nothing in my life was working and everything needed to change – or maybe you’re somewhere in the middle? 
 
If you answered yes to one or more of these questions, keep reading.
 
WHAT’S IT GOING TO TAKE TO CHANGE?
 
Regardless of where you find yourself on the spectrum of challenges, there are a few common denominators that foster change.

• You’ve got to want it or need it.
• You generally have to give something up to achieve it.
• You’ve generally got to do something differently or new to achieve it.
• Number 1 generally dictates how far you’re willing to go on numbers 2 and 3.

 
Are you ready to embark on a life-altering journey of healing – without a ton of money and without leaving home?  Or maybe just find out more about it?   I have done it and, in this series - all at no cost – I will show you how.
 
WHAT I DID TO HEAL.
 
I healed by putting myself on an in-depth, at home, self-retreat - while working full-time - and I’ll share with you how you can, too.  Let me tell you up front, it isn’t quick or easy – a true commitment to lasting change on a very deep level rarely is - but it’s simple, entirely doable, costs little or no money, and is SO worth it. 
 
LET’S GET RIGHT TO THE SOURCE. 
And once we do, even if you don’t initially think it applies to you, stay with me – I’ll illustrate how it may.
 
So, what is the one thing that became damaged in your past that spawned – and allowed – any and all the negative behavior that followed?  Three words; Low Self Esteem. Low self-esteem is the original gateway drug.  No matter what your drug of choice is… even if your drug or choice has nothing whatsoever to do with drugs, it’s a catch-all phrase.  "Drug of choice" just means the manner in which negativity presents itself in your life.  And if low self-esteem is the gateway drug for counterproductivity to take root, then a healthy self-esteem – true self-worth - is the immunity.   In the next post/video Low Self Esteem is a Gateway Drug I will illustrate how low self-esteem is the original chink in the armor, regardless of how it presents itself or effects your life or to what degree; even if you think your self-esteem is just fine.
 
In the meantime, here’s the short version.
 
I promised myself I wouldn’t do that again… but I did.
I promised that this time I’d get it done.  But I didn’t
I know better, but…
 
If you can relate to any, or all of these statements to any degree, I’ll see you here in the next installment.  Thursday, January 14th at 1 pm Pacific time.

Can you relate?  Are you considering participating in this program?  Please let us know what you think!  Comment below... I's love to hear your thoughts! xoAmie

Quote of the Day
"When you heal the source, the symptoms take care of themselves."
Amie Gabriel

​Watch the Companion Video Below!

Read Amie's Book:
​KINTSUKUROI HEART; More Beautiful for Having Been Broken
​Order on Kindle or in paperback by clicking on the Amazon Affiliate Book Link below!